WARNING: This post contains profanity. Not suitable for the young 'ens. Except my young 'en is the one speaking ....
So yesterday my mom, my kid, my godmother, and I, took a road trip. 1.5 hour drive to an outlet mall, hours of shopping and eating, then the drive home. It was fun. Until the kid started screaming. Then, not so fun anymore.
We parked the car when we got there, and I got the kid out and set her down.
She said "fuck".
Wha...?
We walk into a cooking store. "Fuck". A friendly gentleman gives me a knowing look. I make a mental note not to say anything profane ever again ever-ever-ever-in-my-life-not-even-after-she's-21-and-moved-out-please-God-don't-let-my-mom-hear-her-say-fuck-in-the-store.
The child starts running in the direction of a display, and repeats "fuck, fuck, fuck". I am dying. Where is my mother? Please don't stare, judgemental strangers.
She walks up to a display of kid's aprons. She points, and says "fuck".
Pointing? To a frog.
Frog.
Not "fuck", "frog".
Her version of "duck" and "dog" sound nothing alike, so why her version of "frog" sounds like "fuck", I have no idea.
But if you hear my kid say "fuck", look around for a frog.
Showing posts with label funny stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny stuff. Show all posts
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Search Terms
I was looking through my stats yesterday, and noticed some search terms that people used to land at my site. In addition to "my little slice of mommie heaven", there were some that I thought I could address in a post. Or Twitter, but that was more difficult. Because you know, I like to ramble.
To the mama who wondered how she could tell if her prefolds were bleached .. bleached prefolds are white. Unbleached prefolds are a natural/brown color. They are actually "bleached" with peroxide to make them white, rather than hypochlorite, so "bleached" is a bit of a misnomer. But "peroxided" makes us all think of bad blondes. So, "bleached" it is. Many times there is no price between bleached and unbleached (but sometimes there may be, so pay attention), so it's really just a matter of personal preference. Organics usually come as unbleached, since bleaching seems counter to the purpose of organic fabric next to your baby's behind.
To the mama who searched for prefolds and nighttime ... yes, you can use prefolds at night. You'll need to double or triple, and you might want to have a cover that is one size larger for nighttime use. If you want to go this route, check out hemp prefolds, which give more absorbency. I find microfiber really helps boost nighttime diapers, no matter what the type. Go to the dollar store and find some cheap microfiber towels, and put one in between two prefolds. See if that boosts your absorbency for nighttime. Microfiber itself is irritation next to the skin, so always put it under a prefold, or between two. Another suggestion is to use a fleece liner. You can get some cheap fleece material and cut a rectangle. This will wick the wetness away from the skin, so your babe isn't sitting in a wet prefold all night, which is likely to give a rash. If I was going to do prefolds for nighttime, I would put a fleece liner over a microfiber towel, and back that with a hemp prefold. I bet that's a bulletproof nighttime diaper.
To the person who searched for "shes peeing", I'm not quite sure what you were looking for, so I don't have much of an answer for you. Yes, babies pee. This is why we use diapers.
To the person who searched for "full diaper" ... hmmm. First-time babysitter? New dad? I'm wondering who searches for "full diaper". I hope to god it's not someone with a fetish. Ugh. Anyway, so I'll interpret that as "what do you do with a full diaper?" With cloth diapers, you have a wetbag that you use to store diapers until laundry day. If your baby is an exclusively breastfed newborn, the poo is water soluble and washes out easily in the wash. So you just remove the diaper and put it in the wetbag, and replace it with a clean one. If your baby is formula fed or has started solids, you will want to remove the poo to the toilet before storing the diaper in the wetbag. This can be done by the dunk-and-swish in the toilet, as I do, or by using a diaper sprayer, as other mamas do. Oh, get your hands dirty. Then wash them, please.
To the mama who wondered how she could tell if her prefolds were bleached .. bleached prefolds are white. Unbleached prefolds are a natural/brown color. They are actually "bleached" with peroxide to make them white, rather than hypochlorite, so "bleached" is a bit of a misnomer. But "peroxided" makes us all think of bad blondes. So, "bleached" it is. Many times there is no price between bleached and unbleached (but sometimes there may be, so pay attention), so it's really just a matter of personal preference. Organics usually come as unbleached, since bleaching seems counter to the purpose of organic fabric next to your baby's behind.
To the mama who searched for prefolds and nighttime ... yes, you can use prefolds at night. You'll need to double or triple, and you might want to have a cover that is one size larger for nighttime use. If you want to go this route, check out hemp prefolds, which give more absorbency. I find microfiber really helps boost nighttime diapers, no matter what the type. Go to the dollar store and find some cheap microfiber towels, and put one in between two prefolds. See if that boosts your absorbency for nighttime. Microfiber itself is irritation next to the skin, so always put it under a prefold, or between two. Another suggestion is to use a fleece liner. You can get some cheap fleece material and cut a rectangle. This will wick the wetness away from the skin, so your babe isn't sitting in a wet prefold all night, which is likely to give a rash. If I was going to do prefolds for nighttime, I would put a fleece liner over a microfiber towel, and back that with a hemp prefold. I bet that's a bulletproof nighttime diaper.
To the person who searched for "shes peeing", I'm not quite sure what you were looking for, so I don't have much of an answer for you. Yes, babies pee. This is why we use diapers.
To the person who searched for "full diaper" ... hmmm. First-time babysitter? New dad? I'm wondering who searches for "full diaper". I hope to god it's not someone with a fetish. Ugh. Anyway, so I'll interpret that as "what do you do with a full diaper?" With cloth diapers, you have a wetbag that you use to store diapers until laundry day. If your baby is an exclusively breastfed newborn, the poo is water soluble and washes out easily in the wash. So you just remove the diaper and put it in the wetbag, and replace it with a clean one. If your baby is formula fed or has started solids, you will want to remove the poo to the toilet before storing the diaper in the wetbag. This can be done by the dunk-and-swish in the toilet, as I do, or by using a diaper sprayer, as other mamas do. Oh, get your hands dirty. Then wash them, please.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Funny Schtuff Baby
You want funny? Go here and read this.
I about peed myself when I read it. Then I commented.
So last night, I was directing my mom to another blogger's page to watch a cute video. I couldn't remember the blog, but I got there from the comments of that post. So I took her through that post to get to the comments to get to the blog with the cute cat video. (And the green grass grew all around all around ... )
She started reading. She started laughing. She laughed harder. Then she stopped. "Screechy-Mc-Asshole"?. Me: "Yea, isn't that hysterical?" while thinking "then PLEASE don't read my comment".
She scrolls down. She reads my comment. She says "You called C a Screechy-Mc-Asshole?"
Me: "Yea, it's better than what I actually called her in the middle of the night."
Note to self: My mom doesn't get mommy blog humor.
LoonyJen, she did think the kitten video was adorable.
I about peed myself when I read it. Then I commented.
So last night, I was directing my mom to another blogger's page to watch a cute video. I couldn't remember the blog, but I got there from the comments of that post. So I took her through that post to get to the comments to get to the blog with the cute cat video. (And the green grass grew all around all around ... )
She started reading. She started laughing. She laughed harder. Then she stopped. "Screechy-Mc-Asshole"?. Me: "Yea, isn't that hysterical?" while thinking "then PLEASE don't read my comment".
She scrolls down. She reads my comment. She says "You called C a Screechy-Mc-Asshole?"
Me: "Yea, it's better than what I actually called her in the middle of the night."
Note to self: My mom doesn't get mommy blog humor.
LoonyJen, she did think the kitten video was adorable.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
What the teachers think ...
This. Is freaking hilarious.
(Its like a retweet. So is it a reblog?)
I came across this list of the top 100 mom blogs of last year. And I've been looking through some of them. I have to admit, I'm a blog snob. If I don't find something funny in your first 3 or 4 posts, then I tend to move on to see what else is on the list.
And I have to admit, the post mentioned above ... TOTALLY made me bookmark her blog.
And almost pee my pants laughing.
(Its like a retweet. So is it a reblog?)
I came across this list of the top 100 mom blogs of last year. And I've been looking through some of them. I have to admit, I'm a blog snob. If I don't find something funny in your first 3 or 4 posts, then I tend to move on to see what else is on the list.
And I have to admit, the post mentioned above ... TOTALLY made me bookmark her blog.
And almost pee my pants laughing.
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