At least they gave me the option to "ignore"

I just ordered my daughter's birth certificate online.  I thought that they'd at least give you one complimentary copy on the event of her birth.  Nope.  So I've been meaning to do it for ... a year now.

My insurance company is forcing everyone to prove their dependents are legit.  So I buckled down like the responsible mommie I am, and spent $8 extra ordering it online rather than spending however-much-a-stamp-costs-these-days to mail a check.

My daughter was born in Kentucky.  When I first submitted the birth record form to the hospital during my pre-admission appointment, the "Father" information was left blank.  I then had to sit through a lecture about how my child has rights, and this is a chance for me to name the father because my child has rights.  Rights to social security benefits, rights to child support money.  Rights.  Because I then still refused to fill in any information, I was given a brochure that said the same, and asked to sign a form acknowledging that I had indeed sat through the lecture, and I had indeed been given the brochure, and I did indeed know that my daughter has rights.

I, apparently, do not have the right to not be BADGERED by the Commonwealth of Kentucky regarding my choices, but ok.  I understand there are alot of women who might not have made the same choices, and they might really want/need to be told their child has RIGHTS.  It's a great system.

Except for the badgering part.

So I'm online putting in all kinds of information to prove that I am who I say I am, that I am this person's mother, that I have a right to get a copy of her birth certificate.  What's her name, where was she born, name of the city, name of the hospital, date, mother's name, father's name.

It wouldn't let me leave it blank.  I tried.  I put in my name and clicked "continue" and got a big box that said I'd left something blank.  I tabbed through those fields in the hopes that would do it, and I still got the big box.  On a whim, I put in "none" for the first name and "none" for the last name.  It took that.

So my daughter's father's name is None None.

Then I got the following message:

The last name of the Person the certificate is for and the Mother's Maiden name are the same. Typically these names are different. Please correct or check the Ignore box below.

Typically these names are different.  Typically a baby is not given her mother's name.  Typically a woman is stripped of her identity when a man possesses her and stamps his brand on her, and that brand is stamped on all the children she bears for him, and her name disappears into the ether because she and her children are now His.

I have tons of philosophical thoughts on the matter that are too jumbled in my brain to flow as prose.  I guess I will simply share this as an example of the events in the life of a Single Mother.

And now for photos, since you sat through that whole rant. 

Prettiest porch monkey in the world.

The only hint that she has a fever is her flushed cheeks.

How'd We Get Here?

Or, the post in which I blame authors of books for the fact that my baby can't sleep.

I have talked previously about my decisions about co-sleeping with my infant daughter. We came to that solution as the result of several converging factors. The first contributing issue was that she preferred to sleep touching me. She slept better on someone's chest than she did flat in her bed. We were pretty good about not just letting her sleep endlessly on us. But since she slept better at night in bed with me, in the wee (sleepless) morning hours, that was just easiest.

I went back to work when she was four months old. Prior to going back to work, I read a number of books about working and nursing. The Milk Memos is an awesome book, and I want to buy a copy for every mother I know going to work and pumping. Actually I don't know any IRL, but if I did, I'd give them this book. The second was Working Mother, Nursing Mother. Kathleen is a HUGE proponent of co-sleeping and nursing all night long. She wrote at length about it in this book. I was in love with the idea. It would keep my milk supply up, it would keep us bonded, we could spend time together we didn't have during the day. Who doesn't want to cuddle with a snuggly baby all night long? Besides, we were living with my parents and her "bed" was the cosleeper wedged between the bed and the wall. Being in my bed wasn't that much of a difference, right? So for several months, every time she made a noise in the night, I stuck a b00b in her mouth. It kept her from waking up the whole house, it kept me in sortof a doze, it got her back to sleep, it kept my milk supply up, it kept us curled up in some idyllic vision of mother-and-infant life.

And it taught her to nurse to sleep, and nurse every 3 hours all night long.

I blame Kathleen. It's her fault my baby won't sleep through the night. Long after I need to keep my milk supply up, long after she needs any milk at night, long after we are well bonded, long after WE NEED SOME SLEEP, she still wakes up, and most of the time needs the b00b to go back to sleep.

Oh, sure, I could have helped her learn to sleep, even while co-sleeping and nursing in the night. I could have put her to sleep for naps in her own bed. I could have put her to sleep "drowsy but awake". We moved out of my parents house last October, so I only have that as an excuse until then.

But its easier to blame some faceless author, right?

I jest, because it is easier for me to joke about blame than it is to take responsibility. But I am in the process of doing just that. I'm reading everything I can get my hands on about helping toddlers sleep (in a GENTLE way - no CIO here). I am preparing myself mentally for no longer wrapping my body around my baby in the middle of the night (or, you know, clinging to the edge of the bed because she's rolled sideways and kicked me in the throat). I am hoping against hope that it works and I can maybe get an uninterrupted nights sleep. I have quite a backlog to make up for!

I am going to teach my daughter to sleep.

God help me.

Bedtime - A Story in Five Acts

Yes, Mommie, I will listen to relaxing music and read a book in my pretty pajamas.

But then I will stand up and pull on the headboard.

I will threaten to bite you.

I may submit to cuddling with you, but only briefly.

And then I will be so tired that I can't go to sleep.


The End.

Sleep training begins May 20th!

My Morning - So Far

We didn't sleep all that great last night. We slept in about 2-hour stretches, which is enough for me to not go crazy, but I feel VERY tired this morning. Her last wake-up to nurse was at 4:20. I nursed her really good, then I couldn't go back to sleep, so I got up. I then proceeded to ... make the guest bed, put the laundry in the dryer, put away clean clothes in her bedroom and put the huge pile of winter clothes I had pulled out a week ago into a tote for the basement, put away books and toys in her bedroom, organize her hair elastics into baggies, do some dishes, put away toys and books in the living room, sweep the kitchen and dining room, mop the kitchen and dining room, pack the diaper bag and a food and milk bag, pick up all the dirty laundry and throw it downstairs, clean the food (and ants!!!!) off her highchair, drink a coke, shower and get dressed, and schlepp all the bags to the car.

By then I was exhaused, and it was 6:30. Time to get her up and dressed and pull her hair off her face and get her to her Nan's because I still had two exams to write before my 8:00 class.

I finished editing one, printed it out, and students are currently taking it as I write this. I just finished editing the other, I will print it out in a bit, and then set up the lab exam for this afternoon.

So, while I am utterly exhausted, I seem to be functioning rather well on adrenaline and a bit of caffiene, and I seem to be chugging along through my Stress (Finals) Week.

This was her on Saturday, on our way to a Derby Party.



This is what makes it all worth it.

Maintenance

I think comments are fixed now - they open in a pop-up window (ugh, I hate that, but it was the only way to get it fixed.) While tinkering, I selected a new template and played with the colors. Not sure if I like it or not.

Off to write an(other) exam ...

Nursing Mama Hacks - How To Pack Your Pump Bag

(The issue with the photos being cut off seems to be fixed. Nothing I can do about them being out of focus!)

It's FINALS week! That means just a few more weeks of work and I'm "off" for the SUMMER! Wow, I have schlepped my breast pump with me to work four to five days a week since August. Except the days I forgot it (or parts) and had to call someone in a panic to bring them to me.

This morning while packing my pump bag, it occurred to me that that I have developed a pretty streamlined system. Everything in its place. There was a little bit (or alot) of trial-and-error involved. So I thought I would do a post on how I pack my pump bag - kind of a show-and-tell for any mamas getting ready to schlep their own pump to work every day. For a year.

(OMG, I had NO IDEA how out-of-focus these pictures were until I put them on here. And wow, that pump bag needs a cleaning!)

I got a Pump In Style Advanced as a gift. Actually, I got a much cheaper double electric pump from Wally World as a gift, then I took a breastfeeding class at the hospital where I told it was a piece of c$@p so I returned it. Then when asked what I still needed by a co-worker (who teaches Nursing, and is a veteran breastfeeder and milk donater, so would understand the need for a "high quality" pump) I said a Pump In Style Advanced. And she made it happen.

I have the backpack style. It is the cheapest of the PISA's. And the smallest. So you have to be streamlined to carry your essentials. And extras, since with Mommy Brain you may Forget Something Important.


The bottom of the main part of the bag is formed by the case around the actual pump mechanism. This means there is space on either side of the pump. Space where stuff can fall. And be lost. And sit for months. It's amazing what little crevices the lids and the lid inserts can get into. My solution: that's where I store the small bottles from the freezer kit. (1) It fills up the space so lids and small stuff don't end up falling down there and (2) you're carrying extra bottles with you, so you don't ever have to worry about getting stuck without bottles. I also have slipped a tube of lanolin in there. I don't use lanolin much, but it's there when I have needed it.


In the back of this pocket I keep some of the freezer pouches. Again, that ensures that even if you forget your daily bottles, you have something to pump into. This is also a good place to keep bra pads. I just kept a big box in the bottom of my filing cabinet at work, but keeping some spares here is a good idea.


Caps go in the mesh pouch. I don't normally have this many with me. But they're all clean and I decided to be a showoff. The Evenflo bottles I have come with a two-piece lid. This is good if your little one takes a bottle (mine doesn't) with a standard-size nipple. You can use the collar and insert after you pump, and then the baby can be fed from the same bottle by removing the cap insert and using the collar with a nipple. Since my Wee One never took a bottle, this just means I have to keep up with TWO pieces of a cap instead of just one. But they were cheap.


That stuff all stays in the bag all the time, so no matter what you have backups. Now to pack the bag.


Don't forget the freezer pack. I forget it about a fourth of the time, but I have a fridge in my office so it ends up not being a big deal. I have heard a mama say that she puts her keys in the freezer at night next to the freezer pack so she has to remember it the next morning.

I also pack four bottles. I prefer the big Medela bottles because they hold more than 5 ounces. Today all I have clean are some Evenflo cheap ones I got at Meijer, they hold more than 4 ounces.


The outside of the cooler has a place for a photo of your little one. Take advantage of this. It's amazing what a difference gazing at a photo of your little one does for your letdown. Take a deep breath and smile at your sweetheart. It's a welcome break in your day. Behind the photo I have put a card with my contact information. Some days I leave the pump bag in my office and just carry the cooler home. I tend to carry the cooler with me to my last class of the day, and just in case I were to leave it somewhere, I would want the finder to be able to contact me.


The cooler has a double zipper. When you put the cooler in the pump bag, zip it so it will open on the right. That way you don't have to take it out of the pump bag to get to the bottles or to put the bottles in. Saves a few minutes of time. Also tuck the handle to the back so its not in the way..


ALWAYS put the cooler in right-side up. For a while I was in a hurry and would put it in with the back of the cooler facing downward. Until the day that I didn't have the caps on the bottles tightly enough, and 5 ounces of milk spilled down through the bag and onto the floor in my office. Now I put the cooler flat AND check the caps.

Push the cooler all the way to the left. Now you have space on the right. On the bottom goes a prefold diaper, or burp cloth, or whatever you use to dab off the last few dribbles of milk so they don't drip on your pants and you smell like sour milk the rest of the day. (Not that that's ever happened to me or anything.)

On top of that goes one of these - a hands-free pumping bra. YES, you need one. Two, actually. No, you can't really use them for any other purpose after you wean; No, you probably won't get your money's worth; No, you probably can't sell them online for more than 5 bucks a pop; but YES you need them, and YES you need two.

I only have one. I have been afraid to take it out of the bag and wash it, because I know I won't remember to put it back in the bag. So I've been using it all semester and I just washed it last night. It was pretty gross. Having two means you can alternate - one in the bag and one in the wash.


On top of that will be your breastshields and connectors. Have at least two sets of these also, unless you want to be washing every night. My hospital gave me a kit when I left that had an extra set of shields, connectors, tubing, bottles, and caps. It was awesome. Ask your hospital before you leave what kinds of extras they will give pumping mothers.

I only pump once a day. So I only use mine once, then they are washed at home. If you are pumping more than once a day, you need to clean your shields/connectors between pumping sessions. If you have a pumping room at your work (LUCKY!) then you may have access to a sink where you can have some dish soap and you can wash your parts right after use. Otherwise, Medela makes some disinfecting wipes that you can use to wipe your parts. You will need to do this if you are using them more than once while at work.

If you have a fridge in your office, put your parts in a bag and put them in the fridge. The milk that is on the parts won't spoil in the fridge and you won't have to worry about washing in between use.


The tubing* is coiled up and put in the pocket on the outside, along with a Sharpie for marking dates on freezer pouches. I don't put dates on bottles since they are usually used within a day or two, but if you pump into the small freezer bottles you should date those before freezing. If you pump only one side at a time, coil your tubing separately so you only have to grab one tubing.


There are small pockets on the sides that have Velcro closure. These are good for storing that tiny little envelope of those thin membranes. The membranes are essential for how the pump works (that's how it draws suction) so if you get to work and one has come off in the dishwasher, you're screwed. Keep the extras in your bag. This is a good spot.

The back has a big pocket to keep the instructions with your pump. And apparently, it is a good place to keep loads of crap. I had no idea I had all this crap in this pocket.


There you have it, ladies, the perfect way to pack your pump bag. Well, maybe not perfect. But tried-and-true, that's for sure.

* Another tip I figured out this weekend for cleaning tubing: take a syringe (like you give liquid medicine with) and a bowl of hot, soapy water. Use the syringe to inject the soapy water into the tubing. This will fill up the tubing and ensure that the soap hits the entire length inside the tubing. You can then do the same thing with clear water - although running water from the tap usually rinses it well, it's getting the soapy water in that's usually the challenge. Do NOT pull the ends out of the tubing, you can NOT get them back in. My dad did that day one, and I had to go buy new tubing. They will dry if you hang them from a cabinet doorknob. If not, connect them to your pump and run it for a couple of minutes.

--

Cloth Diapering 101 - Pocket Inserts

Previously, I discussed pocket diapers as cloth diaper options. I have also done a post on cloth diaper fabrics in general, which may also help you decide.

Almost as important as choosing the pocket is deciding what goes inside it. Hence I decided to do a post on pocket inserts.

The is one of those decisions that might take a "pros and cons" list. There are always upsides and downsides to all your options.

Microfiber: Many pocket inserts are made of microfiber, at least in part. This is because microfiber is very absorbent. Very absorbent. However, it can get the stinkies, especially if you use natural detergents. Microfiber stains pretty easily - this doesn't matter as much for inserts, because they are inside the diaper. If you're OCD about stains, tho, it may drive you nuts. One warning: microfiber can NOT be the layer closest to the baby's skin. It is so absorbent it will wick the natural moisture from the skin and cause a nasty, ugly, red patch wherever it touches the skin. So be sure if you use microfiber inserts, that they aren't "peeking" out the back of the pocket on you.

Here's the best part about using microfiber as inserts ... it's available CHEAP! Go to your nearest dollar store, Big Lots, or even Wally World. Look for microfiber towels. You can find them with the kitchen towels, or even in the automotive section. They are often $1 each or less. Fold them in thirds and stuff them in your pockets. Yes, it is that simple. If you have a heavy wetter, use two. If you're a sewer, fold it in thirds and run a seam up the side to make it look more like a diaper insert and less like a towel you bought for really cheap.

Natural Fibers: Bamboo, Hemp, and organic cotton are all options for pocket diaper inserts. Most of these fibers absorb moisture much more slowly than the synthetic fibers (like microfiber) but they tend to hold the moisture better. They take a little longer to dry for that reason, but they are great as diaper material.



If you get new inserts, you have to wash the natural oils out of the material for them to reach their optimal absorbency. Plan to wash separate from other diapers 2 or 3 times, then up to 8 times before they are fully absorbent.

Other options: Have a bunch of prefolds you're not using? Fold them in thirds and use them as a cheap insert. If they're absorbent enough to use on their own, they're absorbent enough to use as inserts! Cotton, hemp, or bamboo prefolds all will work well.

Your best bet: A combination of the two best options - microfiber for quick absorbency and hemp for long-term absorbency. The insert for the Thirsties Duo Diaper is based on this idea, but mamas have been combining microfiber and bamboo or hemp for a long time. The microfiber layer goes closest to the baby's body (inside the pocket), so it can quickly absorb pee and prevent leaks. Then the bamboo or hemp layer "stores" the moisture. This is the combination I use for our nighttime system, but it also works for daytime. It works really well in the Duos.

My favorite inserts: Overall, my favorite insert ever is the Cotton Babies One-Size microfiber insert. Second to that is the Nicki's Diapers microfiber insert. Both are (1) cheap! and (2) thick. The Cotton Babies has snaps so you can adjust them for your smaller diapers. If you get the Nicki's, just fold them over. I found some Loopy-Do inserts (Knickernappies) but even on clearance they were more expensive, and not as thick (although the loop design does help with drying time.)



Pocket inserts - from left: hemp flat trifolded, from Pocket Change; Cotton Babies One-Size, snapped down; Loopy-Do size Large; a bamboo-zorb insert I bought off HyenaCart.