Even My Kid Hates Disposable Diapers

One Spring evening at the MommieV household:

The first time she took the sposie diaper off.

The second time, I came out from stirring supper to find this.

The third time. (It's a perfectly dry diaper, and I REALLY needed to do diaper laundry).

At least she pulled her shorts back up.  Mostly.

The fourth time, I gave up.

And put her in a Knickernappies side-snap pocket.

Hey, yo, look at me now!

Angst-ish

I wrote a whole post a while back about the situations, choices, experiences, etc, that led me to being a single mother.  Then I canned it.  It has too much personal information about people that haven't agreed to have their personal information on the internet.  (Mostly because I don't want them to know about this blog, and mostly because I don't want to bring up the conversation.)

But I struggle with some questions.  I'd love to revisit the post, because I'm looking for some good advice and affirmation from some of the Choice Moms who did things "the right way" (in my mind).  Like having actual donor agreements or using a physician so its legal.

I did have part of the conversation with Jellybean Mama, but we were both chasing toddlers around the beach and shivering, so I never really got her thoughts on the questions that were the important part of the conversation.  We mostly shared "what we would do next time".

I'm still not ready to put the post up.  Maybe one night this summer after too many margaritas you'll see it.

In the meantime, if you're also struggling with "daddy question" angst and bio-dad/known donor issues, there are some decent posts up at singlemommyhood.com, specifically here, here, and here (that last one makes me feel better.  At least I don't have THAT issue to worry about.  I don't think.)

We are doing the "every family is different" thing.  We read Todd Parr's The Family Book all the time.  She's been talking about daddies, since that's obviously a topic at daycare.  I just reply with "we don't have a daddy in our family, we have a Grandpa, though, and he loves us very much".  Others have heard me say the "we don't have a daddy in our family.  Every family is different, right?  And we have a Nan and a Grandpa and an Aunt Patti and ..." and commended me for the skill with which I handled the conversation.  (Totally, planned, baby, that's the secret!).  So maybe I"m laying good groundwork for when the questions get really hard.

My Kid is So Freaking Smart

We come in from my mom's tonight.  The kid is a mess, having had a late supper and various confrontations involving putting the bubbles away and leaving Nan and Grandpa's house.  As I'm ushering both of us through the door into the kitchen, she notices a pair of my shoes.

I was gifted a pair of flip flops from a family friend.  They have a flower stitched onto them, so they are very cute for summer.  I was wearing them while working in my campus office the other day.  While walking down the hall to the printer, I noticed a wierd sensation on my foot.  I looked down to notice the flower coming off.  I pulled it the rest of the way off, and wore the shoes home, thinking I would toss them when I got home.  I decided to keep them around as an extra pair of shoes to wear when gardening or doing yard work.  That's why they were out in the middle of the floor, I'd been wearing them while gardening while she was taking her nap.

She immediately noticed one shoe was missing the flower.  "Where flower?  Where flower?" she repeated until I answered her.  "I lost it" was the simplest answer I could come up with.  "You lost it" she repeated.

I headed for her room to pull out pajamas and a bath towel to start the bedtime rituals of the night.  When I returned to the kitchen where she was,

this:

had become this:

The Baby In The Mirror Is Still There

Since she's two years old, she may now have to be called the "kid" in the mirror.

So we have more photos to add to the Baby In The Mirror collection.

We Don't Have Lice

Mother's Day arose grey and rainy.  I got myself showered and ready, then got my kid showered and ready.  My mom picked us up, and we went to church.

I'm still in between churches.  If I could pick up the church  I attended where I used to live and move it here with a crane, all would be well.  Life doesn't work that way.  I'll get there eventually.  In the meantime, my mother has found a church she really likes, so I have been going occasionally with her.

This church has a hard core kids program and nursery.  The area is complete separated with a locking door and entry area.  You have to sign the kid in and out, and they give you a code number.  If there are any issues during the service, your little number will pop up in the corner of the screen.

So it's Mother's Day.  They sing some sappy song about a daughter always needing her mom and I cry.  They sing some other song and I cry.  Finally the preacher begins the sermon and I settle in.  Then I notice our number has popped up on the screen.

I arrive at the nursery entryway to find a woman with my daughter.  She informs me simply "they found nits in her hair".

They. found. nits. in. her. hair.

Deep breath.  I need to escape.  Get me to the bathroom so I can cry.  And paw through my kids hair to find the nits.  The woman, probably also a mother, tries to reassure me.  Don't worry, lots of kids get lice.  Meanwhile I'm hoping to God the ground swallows me whole.

Retreating from the nursery area, we encounter a woman in the doorway.  Balancing a child and two cans of coke, she recognizes us from a local consignment sale.  She obviously is aware of the diagnosis, because she, too, launches into her "it happens to everyone" reassurance.  She then starts telling me exactly what I need to do to rid ourselves of the lice.  "Wash everything in the house.  Put stuffed animals through the dryer.  Get the RidEx, not the other stuff, the other stuff doesn't work.  Be sure to use the comb.  You're going to have to comb every night for, like, a week.  And wash everything for like, a week.  And get the spray for the couch and stuff.  Put everything in the dryer on hot, or use the spray.  It's really horrible.  But it happens to the best of us.  I have three kids and they ALL had it.  Like, three different times each.  It's horrible.  It's really really horrible.  But you'll be fine.  Bye!"

Meanwhile, I'm looking at my kids head.  I don't see any nits.  I don't see anything that looks like anything on her head.  But I don't want to paw through her hair in front of these women, and these mothers obviously know more than I do about the subject, so ....  just get me to the bathroom.  I have a really good cry and then look for myself.

In the bathroom, I search her head.  I find nothing.  My mother comes to find us, and I report the conversation.  I also report that I haven't seen anything.  My mom looks through her head and finds something white and pulls it off the hair.  I say "that just looks like fuzz to me" and she says "well, that's what they look like.  Small white things."

Okay.  So she must have lice.  All the people that know much more about this than I do say so.  So we go home.

I send my mother to the store for the chemicals to douse my child, a new pillow (which was on the shopping list anyway) and whatever else the store might sell that might get rid of lice.  I texted her to check for Tea Tree Oil, which she bought.  Despite it being close to nap time, I stripped her bed and began washing bed linens, I gathered all the stuffed animals to the basement, I pulled her bed away from the wall and swept and mopped the floor, and I cleaned the rest of her room like a mad woman.  Then while she napped, it was on to my room.  Clean sheets and pillowcases, dust mop for the floor ....  But I knew I couldn't do all of it.

Did I mention grades were do the next day, and it was also Commencement?  Did I mention I still had 60 exams to grade, 120 grades to calculate, and a 14 hour day to work the following day?  I asked my mom to call my aunt to come help clean, her specialty.  So since the "deep cleaning" wouldn't happen until the following day, I put off the dousing of chemicals, and just tried the Tea Tree Oil treatment I had read about online.

I combed her hair with a fine-toothed comb, since the kid had stolen the one that came in the kit and hid it somewhere (dirty laundry basket is where it was later recoved, several days later).  I didn't see anything, but I combed every inch of her head.  Maybe it was just a mild case.  Maybe the TTO got them all out.

The next morning she woke up with two small white things in her hair.  I pulled them out, thinking they were nits.  I called daycare to tell them of our problem.  I left the kid with mom and went to grade and calculate and pomp and circumstance and everything else a professor does on the last day of the semester.  Frequent phone check-ins told me the consensus was my house was getting really clean, and my kid's lice seemed gone.  Noone saw anything in her hair.  When I came home for a break during the afternoon, I saw two more little white things, so I asked mom and her friend who would be watching her while I attended Commencement to be sure to do the TTO treatment again.  If there were still white things the next day, we would move on to chemicals.

The next day I was off work.  In the morning, two more little white things.  I'd thought my aunt sprayed the furniture with the lice bedding spray.  She actually used Lysol, which she'd heard was an insect repellant.  I got frustrated thinking that we still had nits and the correct spray hadn't been used.  I started dragging couch cushions out to the porch and began spraying the stuff.

In graduate school I became sensitized (allergic) to organic solvents.  Like the ones used to dissolve chemicals like insecticides.  So immediately my head feels like its going to explode, and I have six more couch cushions and pillows to spray.  I did it in shifts, spending time in the fresh air of the backyard in between spraying toxic chemicals on my couch cushions in the front yard.

After her nap, a few more little white things.  This is really starting to bug me.  I'm treating with TTO, I'm combing, I'm spraying toxic chemicals in the house.  Also, all I'm seeing are the nits.  I'm not seeing actual lice.  How are the nits getting there if there are no adult bugs to lay the eggs?  This is really driving me crazy.  But after a day of headache, I am NOT doing the chemical shampoo on her hair.  That would probably kill me.  So, one more night of TTO.

The next day we go to the doctor.  She'd had green snot and congestion and cough for days, its about time to get that taken care of.  Also, we can mention the lice issue, and see what the doc has to say.  The intake person asks us lots of questions.  When she asks when I started treatment, I said "Sunday".  Then I clarified -  I have only been treating her with Tea Tree Oil.  She stops and looks at me.  "Not the shampoo?".

No, I am one of those crazy mamas that cloth diapers her kid and tries "alternative" treatments.  Not always.  But this time, I did.  You can see it in this woman's eyes.  "Ha, this woman thinks that Tea Tree Oil gets rid of lice.  Ha!"

The nurse practicioner checks my wee one's head.  And checks, and checks.  She finds something, but brushes it to the side.  Checking, checking.  The verdict: my kid has dandruff.

Whatever the ladies at the church saw, was probably dandruff.  If it was big enough for them to see without pawing through my kids hair (and why would they be doing that anyway?) then it was probably dandruff.  Since I treated with an oil, that probably got it.  Since I didn't know what I was looking for, I assumed "white thing" meant nit.  She said if you see the white things, try to brush them away.  Dandruff brushes away.  Nits don't.  She said that TTO is an insect repellant, so treating with it - or using shampoo or conditioner with the oil - can help prevent, and can probably help with treatment (take that, judgemental medical assistant!).  But it's unlikely that just using TTO will get rid of infestation.  So, she couldn't be 100% sure because she didn't see what the church ladies saw, but probably ...

My kid didn't have lice, she had dandruff.

*Now that I've told the story, this post's title and first sentence may make a little more sense.

Cookbooks and Tomato Coulis (i.e. Project Veg update)

Project Veg has still been going strong.  It's pretty much all I can do to get the food fixed and on the table, so I've been very lax about photo-ing, and post-ing, etc.  But I know that alot of other mamas had a positive reaction when I first started writing about Project Vegetarian, so I wanted to make sure and post an update.

I haven't been purchasing unprepared meat.  That's a line I drew early on.  If I'm in a particular mood, I will eat meat if it is prepared by someone else.  My kid loves chicken nuggets, so I have purchased frozen chicken nuggets that just need to be microwaved (I also by meatless ones).  But there has been very little raw meat in my house in recent months.  And I feel very good about that.

My friend Jenny, the guest poster who helped kick off Project Veg, who cooks vegan for her preschooler and husband, and has a new baby at home (and happens to be a personal hero) has turned me on to the key for Project Veg:

Good cookbooks.

The first good cookbooks is hers, despite the fact that it's been in MY kitchen for more than 6 months (she has a new baby, what does she notice?).  It is Better Then Peanut Butter & Jelly , and is an awesome cookbook for simple Vegetarian, and some Vegan, dinners for kids.  It has a great potato and leek casserole recipe, and several good recipes that use black beans.

The second good cookbook is mine, only because she gifted it to me for Christmas.  Probably because she didn't want me to keep her copy for months and months.  It is the The Mediterranean Vegan Kitchen.  And it. Is.  Awesome.  Words cannot describe how incredibly awesome this cookbook is.  Simple little dinners.  Fancy recipes for when you want to show off.  It has everything, and its all delicious.  Two of the recipes that I have tried so far I have actually made multiple times and incorporated into the kind of dishes that I can make off the top of my head.  I have quite a number of recipes in this book marked for trying, and that has inspired me to pursue local sources for food to try lots more of the recipes in this book.

So tonight I made, for the second time, a recipe that I now refer to as Tomato Coulis.  It's a very simple, minimal ingredients recipe.  It works for Sunday dinner (I made it last Sunday for my mom and dad) and for weeknight dinners (I made it tonight).  It's yummy with both the spices called for in the recipe, and the spices you can use to substitute when you realize you don't have that spice in your cabinet like you thought you did.

Chop some garlic.  Saute in some olive oil while you chop some tomatoes.  Lots of tomatoes.  Dump tomatoes, liquid, seeds, etc, into pan over garlic.  Add other spice (furst time I used basil plus a touch of marjoram, the recipe calls for thyme which I used tonight).  Simmer 20 minutes to reduce while you boil pasta and set the table.  Serve.

The real recipe (included below) calls for asparagus.  That could help make it super fancy.  It works well with some mushrooms, too.

It's similar enough to a regular spaghetti sauce that small ones might go for it.  The benefit versus using a bottled sauce is the lack of preservatives and knowing that you're sourcing local and making homemade.  You can control ingredients, you can control spices and flavors.  And you know you've simmered a little pot of good for your family.  I always thought that a homemade spaghetti sauce made with tomatoes would take forever to cook down.  This isn't really a sauce, per se.  Just cooked tomatoes and spices over pasta.  What could be simpler than that?

Well, if you must know ... NOT cooking a summer tomato dish would be simpler.  So that brings me to my favorite recipe from this book ... Bruschetta.

Chop two tomatoes, six black (or Kalamata) olives, some artichoke hearts.  Chop basil and italian parsley (both of which I'm now growing in my herb garden).  Spring with red wine vinegar, olive oil, salt, pepper.  Rub a garlic clove on your bread, spread with the bruschetta.  Eat.

Heaven.  Oh, wait, open a bottle of white wine with it.  Now THAT's heaven.


--

Total copyright violations appear below this line.  Here are the two recipes from the book, in their entirety, as published.  Please consider purchasing a copy of the book so I don't get in too much trouble.  I don't think you'll regret it.  Love, me.

Linguine with Asparagus and Tomato Coulis

2 T extra virgin olive oil
3 large cloves garlic, finely chopper
3 pounds vine-ripened tomatoes, peeled and chopped, all the juices included
1.5 T fresh thyme leaves or 1.5 t dried
0.5 t sugar, or to taste
salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste
12 ounces pencil-thin asparagus, tough ends trimmed and discarded, tips trimmed from stalks, stalks cut diagonally into 2-inch lengths
16 ounces dry linguine (do not use fresh)
0.5 cup Nicoise or other good-quality black olives, pitted and chopped

In a large nonstick skillet, heat the oil over medium heat.  Add the garlic and cook, stirring, until just golden, 2 to 3 minutes.  Add the tomatoes and their juices, thyme, sugar, salt, pepper, bring to a brisk simmer over medium-high heat.  Reduce the heat and simmer gently uncovered, stirring occasionally until the mixture is reduced by one-third and sauce has thickened, 20 to 30 minutes.  Correct the seasonings, adding additional sugar to taste if the sauce tastes too acidic.

Meanwhile, bring a large stockpot filled with salted water to a boil over high heat.  Add the pasta and cook until almost al dente.  Add the asparagus and cook until the asparagus is tender and the pasta is al dente, 2 to 3 minutes.  Drain well and transfer to a large warm bowl.  Add the tomato coulis and the olives, if using, and toss well to combine.  Serve at once.

Bruschetta and Tomatoes, Black Olives, and Marinated Artichokes

1 medium ripe tomato, seeded and finely chopped
6 kalamata or other large good quality black olives
0.5 cup drained marinated artichoke hearts, finely chopped
1 T finely chopped fresh basil
1 T finely chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
1 T extra virgin olive oil
0.5 t red wine vinegar
salt, preferably course, to taste
freshly ground black pepper, to taste
about 6 0.5 inch thick pieces of italian bread, lightly toasted
1 large clove garlic, halve

Place the tomato, olives, artichokes, basil, parsley, oil, vinegar, salt, and pepper in a medium mixing bowl, toss well to combine.  Set aside for a few minutes to allow the flavors to blend.

Rub the toasted side of the bread with the flat sides of the garlic halves.  Top each side evenly with the tomato mixture, using about 2 T per piece.  Serve at room temp.

Mommie Productivity - The Wrap-Up

I started a series of posts at Our Mommyhood about being productive.  The first post explained an overall philosophy I use to try to stay organized and productive, and that is the idea of contexts.  By breaking your to-do list into contexts, you can better deal with what you need "to do" where you are, and not get overwhelmed by a long list.  The second post explained the tool I use for said to-do lists, an online program called Toodle-Do, which also has a free app I use on my phone.  The last post discussed ways to use a Calendar to stay organized. (Note, Google Calendar does now allow you to color code different appointments, as well as an overall color code for different calendars that you are viewing.  LOVE.)

This is the final post in the series on Mommie Productivity.  There are several other little tools that I use to help myself be productive, and get everything done in my little compartments of my life. None of these really warrant a post on their own, so I'll tie up the series with this little list of miscellaneous tools to help you get jump started, or keep you on track.

1. My phone. I used to carry my organizer with me everywhere. When I was single and childless, and a busy, hardworking Division Chair, that wasn't difficult to do. My work bag went with me everywhere, so my organizer was never far away. If I needed to schedule a drink with a friend, write down some ideas, jot a to-do, or something to look up online, it was usually within arms reach. Now, the diaper bag goes with me just about everywhere - except to work. I struggled for a long time with an organizer solution that was big enough for my essentials, but small enough to fit in the diaper bag. I found myself not carrying it nearly as much, and not having it when I needed it.

Around the same time, I was discovering the online to-do list. While you can print it out and take it with you, I would often not have it when I needed it, and not have access to the computer to pull it up. I needed my calendar and to-do list to have some portability. That's when I got my new smartphone.

Since Google created Android, it is very easy to get Google products on your phone, such as Gmail and Google calendar. I have even created a link to Google Documents so with one touch on my phone screen, I can see my monthly budget spreadsheet, or any other document I have saved. With the addition of the Toodle Droid app icon, I now have access to my tools simply by carrying around my phone - which I would be doing anyway.

Again, this part of the solution may not work for everyone who doesn't have access to a smartphone. In that case I recommend printing your weekly calendar and your to-do list periodically if you need to carry them with you. Or carry notecards or sticky notes, and make it a habit to add the items to your online tools once a day, or whenever you do your GTD processing (discussed in the first post).

2. A sticky note.  Not just any sticky note, but this one. Specifically, it says:

One thing at a time.
Most important thing first.
Start now.

I picked up that saying at 43 folders, a website devoted to personal productivity, particularly using the same tenants of Getting Things Done that we are discussing in these posts. So it's not original, by far. But it's a great reminder when your mind is going a mile a minute, when your adult ADD/mommy brain is in high gear and you can't get focused. You can only really be effective at one thing at a time. Multi-tasking is a myth. Psychological studies show that when you think you are multi-tasking, you are actually switching your attention back and forth quickly, not really focusing on multiple things. So pick the most important thing for you to focus on, work on it, and start immediately. Don't justify why it's the most important, or worry about something that is only slightly less important. Do one thing at a time, pick the most important thing for this moment, and get started.

It seems simple. But having it in front of you really does help.  When I come barrelling into my office first thing in the morning after dealing with chocolate milk and daycare and ... it helps to have a reminder.  What do I start with?  What should I work on?  I have a thousand things to do today.  Where is my to-do list?  Don't check email.  Don't just jump in.

One thing at a time.
Most important thing first.
Start now.

3. Baroque Period Classical Music. Yes, that sounds really strange as a productivity tool. There are some studies that show that the timing of the rhythm in Baroque music helps to entrain your brain for focus. This may be the basis for the Mozart effect - the theory that listening to Mozart makes you smarter. When trying to prove the effect, researchers found that what is actually happening is an increase in attention and focus.

It sounds really crazy, but it really seems to work. When I've come into my office rushed and harried, with a long to-do list and class in an hour, and I have several things to do but I can't seem to decide where to start, I have turned on some Baroque music, and it helps me to get calm and focus. When I use it in conjunction with the sticky note above, it almost seems magical how I can transform into a focused person, tackling a stack of papers to grade and starting to get things accomplished.

Pandora Radio offers free radio based on music genre. Pandora lets you judge individual songs, and can tailor the station to play more music that is similar to your preferences, and to play less music like the songs you tell it that you don't like. Over time, you can customize a station that plays soothing background music that will also help you with attention and focus. When I know I need to be focused and work, I start my Pandora station that I have labeled "Office Baroque". Perhaps it is just a placebo effect, but it helps me to start working in a more focused way.

Pandora also has a free app for my Android phone, so if I am home, or at the library, and want the same attention focusing effect, the same station is waiting for me wherever I go. I love it.


There are challenges. I'm a bit of a Covey-ite, in spite of professing my allegience to GTD in the first post. My most productive times are when I take the time for weekly planning. Taking a little time, usually on Sunday, to journal a bit, reflect on what has been working and what hasn't been working, what got accomplished and what is still in process, and what the priorities are for the week, help me to make sure I address everything that I need to. Covey suggests putting in the Big Rocks on your calendar - for me those are classes and bedtime routines. Neither are negotiable, and both occur routinely and at the same time each day. Once those are in place you can plan your week around them, making sure to look at your big picture goals and making sure you are doing something each week to advance toward them. That last step is key to personal growth, but is the step that tends to get lost when you plan day-to-day. Especially as a single mother to a toddler when I'm having trouble just keeping up with the laundry.

I haven't found a good solution to this step, and I am open to suggestions. Lately I have been doing this step on paper, which makes it difficult to fit into my technology described above. Perhaps I am too noncommittal to the plan to commit it to Google calendar, so I would need to address that issue. I have a printed schedule of the week - usually from Google calendar, so it already has the time-bound items listed. Then I draft - in pencil (noncommital, remember) - a framework of my week. This afternoon I'll write an exam, this afternoon I need to try to set appointments with students. It works well when I do it, and I always start Monday morning feeling more prepared and less panicked - and have less of a need for the sticky-note-and-music cocktail to calm myself down to get focused at work. I can't seem to figure out if it works so well, why I have a hard time doing it.

So I'm not perfect at it. I keep trying to do everything expected of me in the time I have to do it in. I've been late with a couple of obligations in the last couple of months, and my students were pretty annoyed at the grading time this semester. It's because I took on too much with the online graduate classes I'd been taking at the same time.  Now I'm busy getting summer online classes developed and helping with some department service that look good in the tenure notebook.  Just trying use my tools to get things done!