Single Mama Christmas Books

I wrote previously about some issues related to the theme of Single Mothers: in baby books, in children's books, and specifically looking for books discussing known sperm donors.  I have a tab at the top of this blog listing some of the products of that research, including suggestions found in lists written by others.

Then along comes Christmas.  I bought several books from Scholastic, we received books as gifts, and I bought some off the $1 rack at Target as stocking stuffers.  We're kindof up-to-our-eyeballs in new books around here.  I love it.

I noticed while reading a few of them the last couple of days .... some are great for the Single Mama theme.  Some, to be blunt, aren't.  And you can't tell from the titles.  One book specifically says "Mommy" in the title, and then has a stereotypical sports-watching Daddy at the end.  One Christmas-themed book just shows a genderless guardian-type figure - perfect for the Single Mama list, and it was merely a free book I got to add to my cart at the last minute because of the amount of my order.

I summarize the information here simply as a sum of my observations.  Some single mamas don't mind a few daddies ending up in their books.  Some single mamas want to avoid the topic like the plague.  Myself, I just want to present some books that show our lifestyle in a positive light, and make us a part of the norm rather than the exception.  This is just what I have read in the books that she received for Christmas gifts.

Another disclaimer:  I make no judgements about the books, I'm just relaying which ones have daddies and which ones don't.  Because you can't tell from the titles, and identifying information isn't always included in the book description.  Some of these books are ones my mom bought for us.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  We adore them all, they are all on her bookshelf (or will be once the gifts are finally put away), and we appreciate them so much.  Please don't think this is an editorial comment or a judgement of the gifts that we received.  It is simply an observation that a book about "Mommy" in the title may also have Daddy in the content.

Books To Add To The Single Mama Books list:

Christmas With You - this is the book that I ended up picking out from a list at the last minute, because the order total allowed me to receive a free book.  I picked it simply from the title.  It's a beautiful little book, it talks about things people do on Christmas Day.  It shows two mice, a larger guardian-type figure and a smaller childlike character.  It would fit well with many single-guardian situations, not just for single mamas.

The Mommy Book - if you read my Our Mommyhood post on The Family Book then you know that I'm a huge fan of Todd Parr's books.  This one is no exception.  I'm hoping to have the entire library eventually, that's how much I totally heart his books.

Others: (i.e. not just a single mama/parent portrayed)
Bedtime For Mommy - this one SO surprised me.  A mommy, working late at her desk, is given 5 more minutes before time for bed.  Her daughter gives her a bath, puts her in bed, answers her request for a drink of water and to leave the door open ... it's utterly adorable.  Then on the second-to-last page, the daughter says "One down, one to go" and heads into a TV room to tell the Daddy it's time for bed.  It's still going to be a favorite of ours, I can tell.  The story itself is just too cute.  But really, to end the story with Daddy, was that even necessary?

Why is this photo upside down?  I'll have to work on that.

Christmas Wishes - this one is based on a poem that includes "Dad", and the mice family have an obvious paternal and maternal parent mouse figure.  A great alternative version of Twas The Night Before Christmas - and about that long - just be aware of the paternal language and representation.

Counting Christmas - Karen Katz is not single-parent friendly.  All of her books show a mommy and a daddy character.  This one is no exception.  The countdown includes four loving arms - two from mommy and two from daddy.  We have Counting Kisses that she received as a birthday gift.  That book shows a Mommy, Daddy, and Grandmother.  When C reads it, she points to the man and calls him Grandpa (well, "Boppa"). 

I have finally done some editing to the Single Mama Books page.  I'm still working on increasing the repertoire of books on the list that show human families with a single female parent - those are still decidedly lacking.  Most of the books on the single parent list show animal dyads.  I guess it's easier to go single-parent and gender-neutral with mice or bunnies.  If you know of/find any human single mamas, I'm still taking suggestions!!!!

Mommy Guilt, Episode #4,322

Apparently, my kid has a mind like a steel trap.  Especially when it comes to chicken nuggets.  I had no idea. 

I do now.

After gymnastics, I was craving Wendy's chicken nuggets.  On our way home, I asked my mom to stop.  I ordered a chicken nuggets meal for the kid, but a hamburger for myself.  Oh well, I thought, I'll just eat one of hers.  Note, you can no longer do this at McDonalds.  Those greedy bastards only give you three nuggets in a kids meal now.

I popped one in mouth in the car, chewed slowly, and my nugget craving was assuaged.

We ate lunch, she wouldn't take a nap, blah blah blah.  That part of the story is boring and immaterial.

After finally getting her to take a nap, I walked back into the kitchen where half a nugget remained on her little table.  My brain went "mmm, chicken nugget", and in one fell swoop I picked up the nugget and popped it in my mouth.  Cold, but still nuggety goodness nonetheless.

So she wakes up, walks into the kitchen, puts her finger on the very spot where she left a chicken nugget, and looked at me.  "Chicken nugget?" is what it sounds like she said. 

What?

She is tapping her tiny little finger on that spot, where she knows she left half a chicken nugget and now she wonders where it is.  She repeats herself.  "Chicken nugget?  Chicken nugget?"

Oooops, Mommie screwed up.

So to fix it, I pull out a package of fake (meatless) "chick'n" nuggets from the freezer and pop them into the microwave.  Whenever she sees food "disappear" into the microwave she melts down, so for 2 and a half minutes I had to tolerate her throwing herself to the kitchen floor and crying like I had ... well, eaten her last chicken nugget, then put all the others on a plate in that big white box and told her she couldn't have them until they were "done", whatever that means.

So we had fake chicken nuggets for our after-nap snack.

Today I learned that my kid does remember where she left her last chicken nugget, and if you know what's good for you, it will still be there after her nap.

(We start the egg elimination diet tomorrow after seeing the doc.  So I'm glad I got the fake chick'n nuggets, with egg in them, out of my freezer.  How's THAT for rationalization?)

Funny of The Day

Mostly, this kind of thing pisses me off.  This, however, is just too freaking hysterical to make one angry.  I actually was so surprised by a line in this story that I laughed (loudly, yes) before restraining myself because the baby is napping.

@overflowingbrain mentions this link on Twitter.  So I went and read it.  Go ahead, I'll wait for you to read it too.

Specifically her tweet said: Pat Robertson knows there are A LOT of "gay activities" that can be done at home, during a blizzard, right?

That was amusing enough to make me smile.

The laugh, though?  Was this:  "...the televangelist said, 'I think God probably wonders, if these people are really straight, then what are they doing in New York?'."

Her current twitter feed includes a discussion of the satirical nature of the piece.  Still, it made my day, so I had to share.

I'm wondering, though ... if God punishes gay people with blizzards, why didn't He dump those feet of snow on Berkeley, CA?  I mean, if we're being stereotypical and all ....

Gymnastics

For everyone who wanted to see photos of my almost-21-month-old at open gym at the gymnastics sportsplex, here you go ...

Week 1: There are no photos.  This post may remind you of why.

Week 2:  Okay, I kept track of my phone, took a few photos, and steered totally clear of the foam pit.  We're on a roll.

She loves climbing through this barrel thing.  Until it starts to roll.  I try to hold it still.  Then some little snot kid comes and tells me that we're playing with it wrong.

See?  Loves it.

She is DYING to figure out this hula hoop thing.  I no longer hula hoop in public, so I am no help for her.  Maybe this summer, in the backyard.  After 6 months of Weight Watchers.

Eventually, with socks off, and some coaching, she climbed all the way up and slid down the other side.  It was a little high for her tastes: she was glad she accomplished it, but didn't want to try it again.

"Up, please?"

The Foam Pit.  Note that I'm on the mat on the side taking the photo and not trying to haul my ass out like last week.

Week 3:  This week there were also School Age children at open gym.  Therefore I spent ALOT more time defending my daughter from big-boy body slams, and had less opportunity to take photos.  Also, I'm not sure how we ended up in the same pants for gymnastics two weeks in a row.  If I had actually PLANNED that, they would have been in the laundry :)

She is having a bit of a hard time figuring out the whole "hoodie" thing.

Maybe now she will keep it on.  And yes, that is "Dora Saves The Puppies" playing on the TV in case you were wondering.

There you go.  We are considering starting a Mom-and-Tot class in January, since she did so well at Open Gym and obviously enjoyed herself.

Christmas Morning, In Captions

Christmas Eve, it's all ready.

First, some juice to start the morning.

Then a self-portrait.  Which one of us is not yet awake?

Oh, what's this?

She loved the kitchen

And the Leaptop

What?  There's another present downstairs?

Oh, but it's a fun one!

Um, what do I do now?

Back upstairs to play with play food.

And open more presents, like a Backpack (not really wear-able, which is stupid) with card games.

And a bunch of books

Favorite gift?  The phone from the play kitchen.

What a big difference from last year:

Mommie stacked these up for me.  I just put them in my mouth.

To My Dear Sweet Wee One on Christmas Eve

It's 9:05 pm.  Your play kitchen is put together, your Grandpa blew up the climbing toy I got for you, and all of the rest of your presents are wrapped under the tree.  I forgot to put Santa's key out before you went to sleep, but I did it soon after.

You didn't nap at all today.  You went shopping with your Nan while Grandpa and I worked on your presents.  We had White Castles for lunch, then you were very tired, but didn't want to go to sleep in your crib at Nan's.  I think Nan has you spoiled by letting you go to sleep on her shoulder when you are at her house.  I also think you were excited about Christmas!

We came home this afternoon and I thought you would sleep then, but you were still playing.  We don't have a traditional Christmas Eve supper yet, so I fixed you some soup that you ate, then you had oatmeal as your snack before bed.  I took a funny video of you in the bathtub - you have the prettiest laugh.

I am trying once again to make Croquembouche.  I have no idea why this has become so important to me that I'm staying up much later than I should to make it.  You went to sleep before 6:30 tonight, and I imagine that you will be up early, so I should be sleeping rather than trying to make some silly pastry tower with spun sugar.  But yet, I try.

Tomorrow morning I will make a breakfast casserole, and possibly sourdough bread from the starter that Jenny shared with us.  You can see your kitchen and climbing toy, and then when Nan and Grandpa come we will open the rest of your presents.  I can't wait to see how you like playing with all your new toys, and reading all your new books.

You are the light and joy of my life.  Mommie loves you so very much.  I am so glad that God gave you to me, and I hope that you have a wonderful Christmas tomorrow. 

Love,
Mommie.


Last year's letter:

Thursday, December 24, 2009

8:42 p.m.

Dear Baby C,


It’s your first Christmas Eve. You are asleep in my bed (since we haven’t gotten you to where you are sleeping in your bed just yet) in special Christmas pajamas. I just finished putting together the breakfast casserole in the crock pot for it to cook overnight, and now am I relaxing and looking at our beautiful Christmas tree. It has started to rain, and I can hear the rain falling outside. It feels so peaceful.


I am so excited about our first Christmas in our new house, and your first Christmas ever. I have lots of surprises for Nan and Grandpa planned. I ordered a mug for Grandpa to take to his work with two pictures of you on it. Rather than wrap it with all his other presents, I am just going to give him his coffee in it tomorrow morning, and see if he notices a beautiful baby smiling at him. The picture of you in the stocking that Miss Lori and Miss Sharon made is stuck on the fridge with a magnet. I want to see how long it takes your Nan and Grandpa to notice! I got Nan a keychain that plays digital photos. It is red (of course!). Grandpa is supposed to make sure that she brings her keys so I can try to slip it on her keychain. So sneaky!


But their biggest surprise is the pictures of me and you from our Mommy and Me photo session – your Nan and Grandpa don’t even really know that we had them done. I think your Nan might know – she told me that Grandpa was worried about having photos of me and you together, and I told her not to worry about it. So she might have taken the hint. But she hasn’t seen them. I have the big one wrapped up for Nan to open, and I have two small ones of you in the stocking and you in Santa’s sack for Grandpa to open. Once they see those, I will show them the DVD of the rest of the proofs from the session. I hope they are surprised!


Miss Lori made us gift tags with one of the photos of me and you, and so once Nan and Grandpa see the photos, I can bring out the rest of the presents with the gift tags on them. In addition to the mug, we got your Grandpa a battery tester and organizer, since he always puts the batteries in your swing and your toys. I got him a measuring tape with a notepad and calculator, and a mosquito trap to use when he grills out next summer. For Nan we got personalized notecards and a photo pen with a picture of us inside, a Paula Dean sauté pan, and some red shirts.


You have a bunch of presents under the tree from Nan and from Mommy. Nan bought you lots of clothes and some toys. Mommy bought you some clothes, but also some soft diapers, some books, and some babylegs. Mommy also bought you some wool diaper covers. We’ll see how they fit!


The table is set with a navy blue tablecloth, and is decorated with silver and blue ribbons and blue and white ornaments, with a glass globe in the center with white and iridescent decorations. It is so pretty. Mommy bought some glass goblets today to put juice in, so the table is set with glass plates and goblets, ready for breakfast with Nan and Grandpa. Once we open presents, we will sit down to our breakfast casserole and juice. You will have oatmeal and one of your fruits.


I hope you sleep very well tonight, so you are rested for tomorrow morning. I hope that you and Nan and Grandpa remember your first Christmas morning with a big smile. I know that I will. I love you so very much little one. You are my precious angel.


Love,
Mommy

This Christmas Brought To You By A Family in Pennsylvania, A Family in Houston, and The Bloggess

Did you hear about this?  I have followed The Bloggess off and on for a couple of years.  She has a rather twisted sense of humor, and a skewed view of the use of social media and the internet to connect with people.  Sometimes I love her, and then she'll do something that I think totally crosses a line.  (For some people, that was the Santa interview.)  But I always come back for more.

Meanwhile, in my real life, I'm struggling with single mom finances and depression.  (The assessment I took on the internet - which should be totally accurate, right? - said moderately severe depression.  Great.)

If you've been around the internet recently, you've heard the story.  She offered 20 $30 Amazon gift cards.  They went quick.  Others started offering to help the 21st or 22nd person.  It snowballed, and TB (The Bloggess.  I feel like we're tight now, so I can nickname her.  I don't know her well enough to call her Jenny, so I have to have something) ended up matching up hundreds of donors and recipients in a modern day Christmas miracle.  Over $42,000 in small increments, like $30, $50, or $100 at a time.

I watched it unfold in her comments and her updates.  Then she wrote another post requesting people comment if they need help or if they want to help.  So I'm reading all this and I'm thinking "do I want to write her?", no I'm like "that's for people who really need it" then I sit and do bills and think "if I don't pay my water bill until Jan 30th, do you think they'll shut it off?" and then I realized I'm , like, one of *those people* who doesn't pay their bills so they can buy Christmas.


So when she tweeted yet again that she had more donors than people who had requested gift cards, I wrote her an email about my water bill dilemma.

Her post talked about $30 gift cards. I was thinking ... $30 gift card.

I get an email from an incredibly nice man, whose family lives in Pennsylvania.  He wants to give me $100, and asks me what kind of gift card I would like.

At this point I'm retching with shame and guilt, but I write him back and tell him that Amazon will be fine, that I want to get C a play kitchen set and some books.

He shops and sees that some of the kitchen sets are $100 or more (the one I was going to get her was a reasonable $75 with shipping, but okay) so he buys us a gift card for $200 so I can get her a kitchen set and some books. I had enough to get her a Dora backpack with games and something for my mom and dad too.

A complete stranger. Gives me $200. I think I totally have to teach my kid about Santa now.

Oh, wait, the story doesn't end there.  Not by a long shot.

I get another email from a woman matched to help me.  She lives in Texas and makes hair bows and wants to help us so she bought us a $50 Target gift card.  And, of course, is making us some hair bows.  Last year her husband lost his job and they lost their home.  They had help to make it through.  And now she wants to pay it forward. 

I'm still reeling. I still feel sick with guilt and shame, but I've convinced myself that I'm totally paying it forward next year and buying some complete stranger four gift cards for Christmas next year.

So, my daughter is about to have the most awesomest Christmas in the entire universe. And I have stuff for my mom and dad. Which means I think I might actually be able to pay the bills.   So I feel alot better. If I didn't feel like I don't deserve this and ashamed because I needed it.

In her answer to my original email, The Bloggess thanked me for sharing my story and told me that people were happy to be able to help and give.  In one of her updates she wrote

...There were even some who admitted later that they were considering suicide until this gave them hope.  Some of those people considering suicide?  Were the donors.  Some felt isolated and depressed in the holiday season and being able to have someone somewhere count on them made them feel connected and less alone.

 A close friend reminded me that as difficult as it is to ask for help, that it allows other people to experience the joy of helping, and giving, when you ask.

The kitchen is put together.  I'm getting ready to unpack the pots and pans, and play food, and have it all ready for her in the morning.  I can't wait.  I found my Christmas spirit, just in time.  Thank you to the families that helped make this Christmas possible.  Thank you to Jenny, The Bloggess for unknowingly becoming the matchmaker of the Christmas Miracle for hundreds of families.

More photos to come in the morning.