Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Ugh (Books Redux)

So, I'm on Amazon looking up the amazing list of books that I've been able to put together from my amazing commenters.  I envision filling my daughter's bookshelf will all these books that feature a single mommy that will help her grow up completely well-adjusted.  I have a full cart.  I'm loving life.

I come across a recommendation based on the books I am browsing and adding to my cart.  Based on the title, I click and read.  Thankfully, the description is detailed enough to include "anonymous donor", so I know that book doesn't really fit our situation.  I file it in my brain under "maybe" - maybe I could make it work ... hard to tell without actually reading the book ... lets see if there is anything about known donors.  This one I can't tell, but given that it includes the term "donor insemination", it's not likely to apply to us either.  And this one is a mommy and daddy and a donor and is pretty far from what our family looks like, so  ... no. 

This poor kid's mom tells him that his daddy just didn't stick around.  This one is nice and generic, according to the error-ridden description.  "Divorice [sic] or Death."  Like those are the only two reasons a kid would have a single parent.  There is even one about single moms adopting.

There are PLENTY of two-mom books (maybe I should get a girlfriend) and two-dad books (or a sex change).  Neither sound particularly appealing to me at this juncture.  I'm looking for one that explains my life choices, not that forces me to choose a different lifestyle to fit the book.

I did get this one (The Family Book) which talks about different kinds of families.  That's a start, but it doesn't address the origin questions.

I think I'm just anxious about how to answer her questions that I know are inevitable.  If I had books to prepare both of us, then when she goes out into the big bad world where children tease and belittle, she might have a way to explain our situation without getting damaged.  I'll definitely be teaching her about the well-timed "it's not any of your business".

Maybe I should write a children's book about a SMC that conceives using a known donor.  Apparently that is a field that is lacking :)


Anonymous said...

what's a known donor? like a friend right, so you know them?

Serifm said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Serifm said...

Well, your situation can't be that unusual...if a book is needed, let's write one. :-)

PS: Is divorice anything like licorice?

Funky Mama Bird said...

You could totally write the book! There must be others out there in that situation needing a book like that, too.

MommieV said...

Anon - the terminology in the mommy blogs can be confusing if you're not used to it! Yes, a known donor is someone you know. I'm planning to tell her that I wanted to have a baby and a friend helped me to have her. Some women have a known donor but still have him "donate" and do artificial insemination in the doctor's office. That affords some legal protections. I did it the old fashioned way, so that is why the books on AI don't really apply to us either.

Sperm from a sperm bank can either be referred to as an anonymous donor, or an Open ID donor if there is access to the donor's identity at any point (usually once the child turns 18, but not always).

Mama Time Bomb said...

I would suggest that you start a journal about questions your child might ask or situations she might encounter. Write down the question or describe the situation. Then, write your response, or reaction options for your child. While such a journal might not be something you would read verbatim to a child, it could help you think through things yourself to be more prepared. You could add questions or thoughts to it anytime, as they come up, so it would grow over time. You could clip blogs and articles that might be of use. Etc.

Re: writing a book, I'm actually a freelance writer/editor (full-time) and started a fledgling publishing company in December. I might be able to help...though the next two months are a bit crazy for me. I think a compilation from many moms would be helpful, more for the moms. Children's books are more expensive to produce (by far). Do some research and get back with me if you have serious thoughts about this.

Laraf123 said...

I've yet to find a good book for our family. I the first two you listed. They're ok, but not great. The Family Book by Todd Parr is wonderful. It doesn't address the specifics of our situation but is lovely. It may be all my boys can handle right now anyway. Keep us posted if you find anything else :)