Staff Writer

Isn't that the awesomest title evah?  I'm a Staff Writer at Our Mommyhood.  My first post is up today.  Please go check it out.

I love writing.  I absolutely love to write.  If I wasn't able to write, I would seriously go crazy.  My writing has evolved in the last couple of years, though.  Cuz, you know, I had a baby and all.

I used to keep a journal.  I started it in seventh grade, and as of a few months before the wee one was born, I had something like 108 volumes to this journal.  Some of the "volumes" were a 100-count spiral notebook.  Some, especially in later years, were 3-inch looseleaf notebooks.  That format works best for me, because I tend to want to journal when the emotions strike, and I don't like carrying a bound journal with me everywhere.  If I don't have alot of time to write and I just want to get alot of thoughts/emotions out quick, I will word process.  If I really need to get to the bottom of what I'm feeling, then I'll write on paper by hand.

In the olden days, when it was just me and the dog, I could sit on the couch and write for HOURS.  I could analyze all the subtle nuances of the drunk womanizer's behavior (he hasn't called for three days.  Maybe he's playing hard to get.  Maybe he wants ME to call first.  I won't call first, if he wants to talk to me, he'll have to call me.  Well, maybe this once.  No answer.  Great, he's probably with HER and they're laughing at how I called and he didn't answer...)

In the hospital, while waiting for the wee one, I wrote quite a bit.  I made sure that a notebook and pens were in the hospital bag, and I was glad to have something to do while I was bed-bound.

Then she came.  And the luxury of having hours upon hours to explore thoughts and feelings on paper ... disappeared.

I didn't journal much the first few weeks, and I kindof regret that.  Then I'd write when I could, which is mostly after she's asleep and when I'm too exhausted to care how I'm feeling.

That's one reason I started the blog, as a way to write, to chronicle our daily lives, but with more of a purpose.  To share our ups and downs, our joys and sorrows.  Well, not really sorrows.  Just sicknesses, I guess.  It's different than a journal.  For one thing, my mother reads it.  For another, the rest of the world reads it.  Not really, but you have to assume that when you write it.  For another, SHE will read it one day.

I have fallen in love with blog writing.  It's our life in little bits, little daily packages, centered around some topic or another.  Somehow it always has some beginning and some end.  Some are written in my head in the shower, or on the drive to work.  Some become shaped because I just sit down to vent or rant about something that has happened.  I love these little scenes of my experience of being a mommy.  I love to write them, to know that I'll have them, to share them with others.

So imagine how thrilled I was to get a message from one of my blog readers, who has become an editor at Our Mommyhood.  "I was wondering if you'd like to come on board to write from the angle of being a Single Mom. You could write on any topic you wanted, daycare, cloth diapers, anything, just approach it from how you may feel it's the same or different from other families to give a voice to the single mom community."

Thrilled.  Thrilled, thrilled, thrilled.  "To the max", as we said once in the 80's.

I got a twinge of writer's block in the beginning.  How should I start to present myself to a new community of readers?  What a huge responsibility to represent the single mom community, and give a voice to our experiences.  My first post should be an introduction, right?  And summarize the entire single mom experience in 500 words or less ...

So I got a little stressed, went a little blank.  I had some ideas, but they didn't really sound right rolling around in my head.  I asked for some input, but still felt like I was groping.

Then I realized ... I don't have to represent the whole single mom community to this new group of readers.  I just have to represent MY experience of being a single mama - my little slice of mommie heaven, as it were.  That will bring some perspective of being a single mom, but it won't be every perspective - and it's not supposed to!  Once I got that through my thick skull, I was much better.  I wrote a couple of posts and emailed them to my new editor.  She liked them!  Oh my gosh ...

I'm a writer.

Then she sends out an email that my deadline for next month is earlier.  I had a minor panic attack again.  But somewhere in the middle of living daily life, some ideas bubbled up, and I've already met my earlier deadline.  (Now I'm TOTALLY out of ideas after that!) (I'll think of something, don't worry.)

I have really enjoyed thinking about writing for a new audience of women.  It has stretched my ideas quite a bit to think about something beyond "we went to the ER this weekend" and "this is what our latest cloth diaper looks like".  What has struck me the most is that, while some of my experiences are different as a single mama, many of the things that I think of when I think about my time as a mama so far aren't necessarily unique to the single mama crowd.  They are just the common experiences of mommyhood, and that is what the site is all about.

Please stop by and read my post today.  I would so love for you to comment (I'm trying not to be comment-competitive but I'd like to have a decent number.)  If you want to come back here and tell me what you REALLY think of my post, I'd love to have some constructive feedback as well.

I love being a writer.  Almost as much as I love being a mom.

Miss Lori is MY Photographer!

Congratulations to Miss Lori and Moments Photography.  She has moved into a new studio space, and the Grand Opening was this past weekend.

The Wee One was just so excited!

Excited from mommy v on Vimeo.


She got to be part of the Ribbon Cutting by holding a special sign.

Some self-portraits, of course.

This was in the middle of The Sick, so she was feeling less than well here.

Miss Lori is amazing with children.

Other photos from the Ribbon Cutting:

I've written before about how I came to find Miss Lori.  I was a post-partum wreck looking for perfect newborn photos, and somehow divine intervention led me to her.  She does really amazing work - there are some links in that previous post to photos she has done of my Wee One.  Her website is here and her blog is here.  Please contact her if you are in our area and interested in a session.  You will be thrilled, I promise you.

Packing The Diaper Bag for Cloth

It's Tuesday!  Time to talk Cloth Tushies!  This week our topic is:  how do you pack your diaper bag when using cloth diapers?  Do you use cloth even when out-and-about, or do you switch to disposables?

I had a hard time finding a diaper bag that I liked.  This one is even a little small for being out for a full day, but I manage.  This is how I pack if we are using prefolds and covers when going out.  If we are taking pockets, it's not much different.

In the bottom is all the crap that usually goes in a diaper bag, medicines, sunglasses, a book or two.

Next go an extra pair of babylegs, and an extra cover.  The extra cover is a must, you don't want to be stuck out somewhere with a big blowout poo and no clean cover.

I fold the prefolds in fourths, they seem to fit in better that way.  If we are doing pockets, I just stick them in.  The thing on the left is a changing pad.  Sometimes I forget, and then a diaper gets nominated to be a changing pad if I need one.

Don't forget the wet bag.  I repeat, do NOT forget the wet bag.  I use wetbags with zippers.  And your wallet, you probably don't want to forget that either.

Now, I do cheat and use disposable wipes most of the time.  If I am using cloth wipes, they get tucked in a side pocket with a spray bottle of wipes solution.  Sposie wipes are easier, so I usually go with those.

It's totally easy to go out in cloth!  What do you do?  Link up and tell us!

Superstitious

I had taught my daughter to sleep in her own bed, and to sleep through the night.

We hit a bump in the road when I returned to my faculty position at the start of August.  While I love living my life by the rhythms of the academic year, it seemed that my Wee One liked the "off for the summer" part much better than she enjoyed the "back to campus for fall semester" part.  Her sleep was disrupted off and on as part of the transition.

So I started examining (again) our daily routine, our bedtime routine, even our nighttime diapers, to try to figure out what was working, and what wasn't.  I noticed that on the nights that she wore a certain set of pajamas, that she would usually sleep through the night.  On nights that she wore other pajamas, she woke up.

During our trip to Pennsylvania in June, we went shopping at an outlet mall, and of course I hit the Carter's store.  I bought several sleepers that ended up being too big, and I bought one set of pajamas called "comfy-fit" or something. 

I had no idea about these things, so I'll educate you on what I have learned.  In sizes 12 months and above, pajamas have to be treated with flame retardant chemicals to make them, well, flame retardant.  But there are parents that don't want their children sleeping in chemically-treated clothes.  So the CPSC has a loophole, where all-cotton, non-flame-retardant sleepwear can be sold, but only if it is tight-fitting.  Loose-fitting pajamas can only be flame retardant material.

So your options are: cotton tight-fitting pajamas, or flame retardant "comfy fit" pajamas.  Since I'm a somewhat crunchy mama trying to minimize the nasty chemicals my baby is exposed to, I chose the cotton, snug-fitting pajamas.  But there was one pair that were just so cute.  They had a dog on them, and my little one was just learning to say dog, so I bought that one set that were the comfy-fit, even though they said "flame retardant" on the label and I knew what that meant.

So, it's September, and my daughter will only sleep through the night if she is wearing .... the comfy-fit dog pajamas.  The chemical pajamas.  The pajamas that will probably cause her to have cancer.  Are the only ones she will sleep through the night in.

Without the pants.  I took this photo to show the Flip diaper that I had gotten.  Somehow I don't have a photo of her in the dog pajamas with the pants.

It only took me about 5 seconds after realizing this to jump off the somewhat-crunchy bandwagon and on the Carter's website and order every other set of comfy-fit pajamas in size 12 months.  I became utterly superstitious about her pajamas.  I had to have the ones she would sleep through the night in.

They had 3 other sets online in her size, (well, 4 if you count the set that said DADDY all over them.  Trust me, I TOTALLY considered that pair.  THAT'S how you know how superstitious I was about this.)

These also have a dog, a very sparkly silver poodle.

And you know what?  IT TOTALLY WORKS.  When she's not running a fever, she totally sleeps through the night if she's wearing these pajamas.  It's amazing.

Most of the time she's sleeping in her bed.  Occasionally, though, it's mommies.

When she grows, we're up-sizing to the 18 months.  Because I'm totally superstitious about the pajamas.

The Conversation

slight awakening
rustling sheets
first in my bed
then in yours

I settle,
you settle,
but now I am awake.
And hot.

I turn over, rustle again
you stir
I drift off.
Now you are awake.
And hot.

You settle,
I settle,
I realize you are again asleep.

I don't dare move.

How Many Wet Diapers Did You Change Today?

I had a post title in my head.

And Then I Got Peed On

I was going to tell all about our night, how she woke up with a 104 degree fever and felt hot as a pottery kiln - that's the hottest thing I could think of at 1:30 am.  How I freaked out and gave her Tylenol AND Motrin AND put her in a lukewarm bath.  How she wouldn't keep any clothes OR a diaper on, so I just put her in my bed naked and covered her with a thin muslin blanket.

The following line, of course, would be:

And then I got peed on.

Except I didn't. 

No pee when the sun came up, no pee a couple of hours later when we finally woke up.  No pee. 

Plus, she was lethargic.  She kept going back to sleep on me.  Which is sweet and cute.  And she was still naked, so there was the cute butt going on too.  I'm totally thinking I'm going to get peed on.  No, strike that.  I'm totally HOPING to get peed on.

I type a one-handed note to cancel plans for the zoo today.  Music class is also scratched, for obvious reasons.  She is naked, asleep on my chest, under a muslin blanket.  I know she doesn't feel well, because she NEVER lets me cover her with a blanket, unless she is already asleep when I do it.

I had already talked to the acute care people at 2 in the morning.  I had given her Tylenol and Motrin and a lukewarm bath, which had collectively brought her temperature down a whopping 0.4 degrees.  So I called them and a very chatty and laugh-y nurse tried to reassure me.

Here we were, 7 hours later, and no pee.  Less of a fever, but no pee.  I tried to give her juice and she said no and shook her head.  Then she went back to sleep on my shoulder.

So I called the acute care people again.  Apparently at a rather busy moment, because I sat on hold for a while, which rarely happens, and then I got an out-of-breath greeting.  I mentioned that I had called earlier for my daughter's high fever, and the fever was lower, but now she hadn't urinated in almost 8 hours.  She asked who our physician is, and then said that she would need to go to the ER so they could keep her hydrated.

Of course, once in a room at the hospital, she was stimulated by all the new things around her.  So she perked right up, started sucking down juice, and THANKFULLY had a wet diaper before they stuck anything in her.  She did have to have a catheter to give a urine sample, but no infection there.  (They were impressed by our use of cloth diapers.)  She had to have her throat swabbed, but no infection there.

Diagnosis was a general upper respiratory tract infection.  Treatment would be fluids, rest, and a follow-up with her doc on Monday. 

So I have been checking her diapers rather frequently to make sure they are nice and wet.  A dry one after her nap made me push more juice.  The grandparents wanted us to spend the night, but she was too hyper to sleep.  So we walked home, where she is still too hyper to sleep.  So now she's in her bed singing to herself.

But at least she's peeing.

And not on me.

When I Knew

I came across a new blogger's site tonight, and her post reminded me of a story.

I thought I wanted to have a baby.  On my own, even.  But then I became a Big Sister to a significantly disadvantaged kid.  And that wasn't going so well.  So I decided that I really liked my single lifestyle, I really liked not having to be responsible for anyone but myself (and the dog and the cat), I really liked doing nothing all summer but laying next to the apartment complex pool being drunk and listening to bad radio.

And that's when it happened.  A drunken escapade with the ex-boyfriend, and I got knocked up.

Probably already pregnant here, just didn't know yet.

My dad and I went to a local park for a walk.  He had been so great when I told him the news.  He held his hand out to me and said "everything will be okay" and I melted.  So it took me by surprise that he took advantage of our alone time to suggest to me that I needed to really evaluate what having a child would be like, and decide if that's what I wanted.  Because if I wanted to decide NOT to do this, it's better to make that decision sooner rather than later.

I admitted to my therapist days later that I was shocked that my dad would suggest that I might have an abortion.  She also discussed it like it was a decision to be considered.  I left her office actually wondering if I really wanted to be pregnant after all.

I was still pondering these conversations one afternoon that week while driving from a meeting at one campus of the college where I taught back to the campus where my office was located.  While driving a little too fast on a curvy road (at 1 pm in broad freaking daylight) I come around a curve to a deer running across the road.  I managed to slow the car slightly, but I still hit the deer with the front passenger corner of my car.
I am an animal lover.  Things like this upset me to a very extreme degree.  I immediately became hysterical.  Like, screaming in the car and freaking the total F out hysterical.  I kept driving, and kept screaming.  And then a thought.

Calm down, or you'll hurt the baby.

That was the moment I knew.  I wanted to be pregnant.  I wanted to have this baby.  This is what I had wanted all along. 

Immediately, I calmed down, and finished driving to campus.  I was still shaking, I was still a little upset, but I knew I had to try to relax.  I called my dad to tell him what had happened.  I called the police to come and do a report for my insurance.  (Since I left the scene they wouldn't.) 

I was only about 8 weeks pregnant at the time.  I hadn't told anyone at work.  I hadn't told anyone except for very close friends and my mom and dad.  So I couldn't walk into the building and tell people that I hit a deer but I shouldn't be upset because of the baby.  I don't keep things to myself very well, but I did keep that.

I think shortly after that was when I started rubbing my belly.  I didn't know she was a girl yet.  I didn't know how I would do it.  I just knew that I really really really really wanted to.