Thursday, February 3, 2011

Great, Thanks

So, in addition to Caffeine Free Coke, I have another addiction: McDonald's cheeseburgers.

Remember the wind storm?  What that hurricane with the I-name came up through Texas and didn't stop and kept right on up through the midwest bringing 50-mph winds and destruction?  I was pregnant, and sleeping on the couch when the chimney on the roof of my apartment building landing on the ground.  I woke up craving McDonald's.  So I went driving around (the wind was gone) to find the only McDonalds in the tri-state area that still had power.  Sat in the drive-thru for an hour.  Have I mentioned I was pregnant?

The morning I found out I was having a girl?  McDonalds.

Every morning for the last week before I went into the hospital?  McDonalds.  Hmm, wonder why my blood pressure would have been up.

On the corner of the campus where I now teach?  McDonalds.  Every day for lunch for the entire fall semester last year?  McDonalds.

I have read the book The Ten Trusts, written by Jane Goodall and a canine behaviorist Mark something-or-other.  (Bekoff.  Got it when I went to get the amazon link.)  When she started getting close to talking about slaughterhouses, I politely skipped to the next chapter.

I understand that animals die to make hamburgers.  I understand that animals die to make my McDonalds hambugers.  I just like to politely overlook that fact and keep eating my cheeseburgers thankyouverymuch.  I don't like to handle raw meat, so I no longer purchase or cook meat.  I eat it sometimes if someone else cooks it for me, but at home it's veggies and grains.  But then, the craving begins, and I find myself in line at McDonalds.

My friends all went through the phase where they posted the link on facebook about what's really in your McDonalds hamburger.  I just scrolled right on past.  Yes, I imagine that at the heart of it, McDonalds is really gross.  I'd rather not know the details.

But then, when reading through some comments on a blog post somewhere, some stupid shit said "it's like that story about how McDonalds hamburgers are all hooves and skin and parts they can't put in anything else, and it's so gross they have to clean it with ammonia before making it into hamburgers."

Oh. My. Gawd.

I read it before I realized what I was reading.

And then it was too late.

The damage was done.

I think about it every time I drive past (which is often three times in a day).  I think about it every time I want a cheeseburger.

Monday I caved.  Two cheeseburger extra value meal.  Yes, it tastes exactly like you would expect hooves and skin soaked in ammonia and then seasoned to sortof taste like nothing to taste like.  I couldn't finish it.  I felt sick.  Tuesday I went through the drive thru and bought chicken nuggets.  Much less satisfying, and I couldn't finish those.  Yesterday I went through the drive thru and just bought coffee.

This is horrible.  I can't stop thinking about how many times I've eaten hooves and skin soaked in ammonia.  And how badly I want to eat a McDonalds cheeseburger without thinking about hooves and skin soaked in ammonia.

Life as I know it has ended.

12 comments:

Jellybean Mama said...

You know, I read that, also (except in my head it was bleach, for some reason). And that still didn't stop me. So I guess I'm saying, consider yourself lucky? Because I luv a McDonald's cheeseburger. Luv, luv, luv. And they are the devil. Everyone knows it, as you pointed out. I learned it's super-cheap to get a 2-cheeseburger combo with an extra order of small fries as a special treat for a certain small person, rather than two combos, even if you don't get the stupid toy. Not that I'd ever do that. Because who feeds their toddler ammonia.

Sorry for your loss.

Maybe you can have some Chick-fil-A?

Funky Mama Bird said...

Have you seen the glory that is Meat Clown? Allow me to present the link to this masterpiece.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0oYjzU-t_0

Enjoy.

MommieV said...

Ahahahahahahahahaha

It probably is bleach, actually, but the moron that I read didn't remember right. Actually, it's probably bleach and ammonia because it's probably just all kinds of yukky crap.

I have a very active imagination and therefore a hard time putting vivid mental images aside. I think I need to reassociate them with something good. Like puppies or sparkly unicorns or something.

If I eat CFA does that mean I love cows more than I love gay people?

MommieV said...

I was great until 1:19. Now I just want to freaking hurl.

Barf.

Serifm said...

Hooves and bones are often powdered to make thickening agents, and are added to things like soup stock, milkshakes, and are the main components of jello.

McDonalds beef, however, seems pretty safe:
http://www.snopes.com/business/market/allbeef.asp

MommieV said...

Now who is the nerd?

laura said...

Okay look. Junior year of high school we had to read a very FAT book, praised to the roof and all over the new york times bestseller list, called "Fast Food Nation" for our AP English class. Ok, maybe some parts I just scanned. But anyway, I tore it apart during my speech and I think I did a good job doing it, but i was the only one in the class of that opinion. The book is alarmist, money-making carp. It's just a big overly lengthy criticism of McDonalds, where the author tells some horridly detailed story about a child dying in her mothers arms (from e coli.)

And then moves to the next chapter.

Or a kid getting bullied by having guacamole thrown at him (while working at a fast food restaurant.)

And then moves to the next chapter.

And then by the end of it… you are supposed to be worked up to such a frenzy of righteous indignation over the stories that he has vaguely led you to associate with McDonalds, that you hate the industry and buy the book for all your friends. At the end of the book the author says something about wanting to apologize to his children for not getting enough happy meals while he wrote the book, and oh by the way, now i’m writing another cool book that's an expose of the black market.

Please.

Let’s be critical thinkers!

I don’t really know, but i think what you read is a legend that is exaggerated and made up. there are laws and standards about what can go into meat, and slaughter houses have made huge strides, from work done by people like autism advocate temple grandon. i was surprised to read what you saw anyway, because i actually thought the basic argument against slaughter houses was that they are inhumane to the animals and maybe even mean to the workers. and OMG IT’S A BIG HOUSE WHERE THEY KILL ANIMALS LET’S ALL HATE IT.

That being said, in theory i do believe we should only eat meat that is “cruelty free” or “free range.” I totally believe that. A lot. i don’t do it though :)

i don't usually get worked up over stuff like this, but it is manipulative crap and gay people are just more important. :)

…Chicken, on the other hand. NEVER EAT. OMG totally scarred by a Peta article at the same high school, but era out of my own free will.

laura said...

*read

FruitFish said...

Ugh, gross! Thanks so much for that image--blech!
And I just told my mom last night that I could not watch the O show she had on dvr b/c Li.sa L.ing went to a slaughter house.
Luckily all I had a craving for tonight was an onion ring (please tell me no evil about them ;) )

Jellybean Mama said...

Why did I come back and read comments.

Now I want onion rings sooooooo bad...

Genkicat said...

I struggle with this whole thing too. And like you don't buy or cook meat at home anymore (although there is some frozen stuff in the freezer that will be eaten at some point).

Good luck with everything. And just from a health perspective - not having McD's is probably a good thing.

FruitFish said...

Ugh, I shared this info with a sister and friend--they were so happy I did ;)

I can't remember if you already received this award, but regardless I nominated you on my blog :)