Sunday, January 16, 2011


I must be ovulating.  (Mom, go away.)

I have pimples on my face, and the egg-white cervical mucus (which I usually refer to as 'ovulation goo') in copious amounts.

And I've been having dreams.

Not really sex dreams, per se.  Those would actually include The Sex.

No, these are more anticipation dreams.

First, it was my ex-husband.  (Yes, I was married.  For less time than my daughter has been alive, and it ended in 1999, so you don't have to count it if you don't want to.  I don't, most of the time.  But that's the person who was in my dream two nights in a row.)  First, I dreamt that we were going someplace to have The Sex, but his mom was there and we didn't want her to know.  The next night I dreamt we were going someplace to have The Sex, but my mom was there and I didn't want her to know.

I went a couple of nights without a sex dream, but they came back.  One was a complete stranger, that I was trying to get to have sex with me in a library.  One was vaguely like an ex of mine, but he wanted to have sex with my best friend, so I woke up horny AND pissed off.  Last night I dreamed I was in a house in the Highlands area, and I'd met this guy, but he was like 22 and really buff and cute, and he wasn't sure he wanted to be my boyfriend, and I was like "who cares, let's get it on" and he was really unsure and then I woke up.  His bed was a sheet-covered futon and there was 80s music in the background.

I need to have sex.  For reals.  Soon.

This is my longest dry spell since college.  I mean, I used to think six weeks was a dry spell.  It's been over two years, and I'm dying here.  When I wrote the last post about this subject?  I had no idea.  It's so much worse.

My birthday is coming up.  If someone wants to get me something?  Just make sure his name isn't Bob, so there's no chance it could be my ex-husband.


MommieV said...

A. I apologize for the EXTREMELY unfortunate timing of this post. If you are here from Jellybean Mama's post, PLEASE be assured that I have NO intentions of molestation of any kind.

B. Lily thought this was all hysterical. This afternoon in the produce section, while reaching for the tomatoes, I ran into the guy I lost my virginity to.

Serifm said...

Bahahahaha. That's all I have to say. Just bahahahaha.