... I was pregnant with the Wee One. I stood in a very long line on a warm November day in a big brown sweater. I wasn't sure that I would be able to go vote, since I had bad all-day sickness at that point still. But I didn't eat much that day so there wouldn't be anything in my stomach to make me feel nauseated. I carried a bottle of water that I sipped lightly. And I also carried a book.
Choosing Single Motherhood, to be precise.
I love that book. I wish I could find it since the move last year.
I had wanted to have a baby. On my own, even. Last night as I was hugging the wee one goodnight and singing our special song in her ear, and looking over her shoulder at her crib, I remembered a time that I saw a sale at KMart on cribs. 99 dollars. I almost went ahead and bought it to start setting up a nursery. Then I figured my mother would flip out at me spending money on a nursery for a baby that didn't exist. So I didn't.
I did end up getting pregnant, knowing that I would have her on my own.
It was all a great idea, until it became a reality. Then I panicked. What do I do now? What do I tell people? What do I tell her (at the time she was still an "it")? I ordered the book to help myself feel better, to help me have some direction in this new world of single mommyhood.
So there I stood, in the fall sunshine, in a too-heavy sweater, trying not to feel sick, reading a book to try to make myself feel better about being a single mom. Waiting to vote.
That's it. That's the story. There's not much else. I came to no conclusions that day. I still struggle with the "what to tell her" part of the whole thing. I've got "mommie wanted to have a baby" and "mommie is glad that God gave her you" and not much else in between. I voted for Obama and everyone thinks he's doing a stinking job and I happen to think it's too early to judge so get off him.
I just wanted to reminisce about standing in line in the fall summer sunshine with a baby in my belly, waiting to vote.