Monday, November 1, 2010

The Last Time I Voted

... I was pregnant with the Wee One.  I stood in a very long line on a warm November day in a big brown sweater.  I wasn't sure that I would be able to go vote, since I had bad all-day sickness at that point still.  But I didn't eat much that day so there wouldn't be anything in my stomach to make me feel nauseated.  I carried a bottle of water that I sipped lightly.  And I also carried a book.

Choosing Single Motherhood, to be precise.

I love that book.  I wish I could find it since the move last year.

I had wanted to have a baby.  On my own, even.  Last night as I was hugging the wee one goodnight and singing our special song in her ear, and looking over her shoulder at her crib, I remembered a time that I saw a sale at KMart on cribs.  99 dollars.  I almost went ahead and bought it to start setting up a nursery.  Then I figured my mother would flip out at me spending money on a nursery for a baby that didn't exist.  So I didn't.

I did end up getting pregnant, knowing that I would have her on my own.

It was all a great idea, until it became a reality.  Then I panicked.  What do I do now?  What do I tell people?  What do I tell her (at the time she was still an "it")?  I ordered the book to help myself feel better, to help me have some direction in this new world of single mommyhood.

So there I stood, in the fall sunshine, in a too-heavy sweater, trying not to feel sick, reading a book to try to make myself feel better about being a single mom.  Waiting to vote.

That's it.  That's the story.  There's not much else.  I came to no conclusions that day.  I still struggle with the "what to tell her" part of the whole thing.  I've got "mommie wanted to have a baby" and "mommie is glad that God gave her you" and not much else in between.  I voted for Obama and everyone thinks he's doing a stinking job and I happen to think it's too early to judge so get off him.

I just wanted to reminisce about standing in line in the fall summer sunshine with a baby in my belly, waiting to vote.


Funky Mama Bird said...

I was pregnant then, too. Not married yet, wondering if that would happen or not and moderately annoyed with both candidates. We voted independent, both of us.

Laraf123 said...

I was pregnant when I voted for Obama as well. I remember standing in that long line as an SMC with one son holding my hand and another on the way. (I tried to vote early but those lines were even longer during the previous weeks.) I saw several neighbors in line and felt they were judging my choice to be an SMC. Oh well. It was a beautiful fall day and I was happy to be right where I was.

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