Monday, June 13, 2011

Well, He's Somebody's Daddy, Just Not Yours

So, Father's Day is this weekend, apparently.  Who knew.  Anyway, apparently they have been "discussing it" at daycare, because my kid has been all about "Daddy" for days.

I've tried "we don't have a daddy at our house.  We have a Mommy.  And a Nan and a Grandpa that love us very much."

I've tried the above plus "every family is different.  Some families have just a mommy like ours.  Some families have two mommies like (name-of-kid-at-daycare)."

She's been out-of-the-blue saying "Daddies".  When we sing "Wheels on The Bus" we ALWAYS have to do the Daddies Go Read-Read-Read part.  (What, don't mommies read on the bus?  WTF?)  Sometimes I just let it go, and sometimes I try to remind her of the above conversation.

This weekend, she called my father "Daddy" from another room.  We jumped on that with "Grandpa?  Do you need Grandpa?"

Today at dinner, out of the blue she said "Daddy".  I said "we don't have a daddy, honey" and she said "Two Mommies" (from the aforementioned conversation). 

At this point, I'd rather talk about "two mommies" than "daddy".

If I just didn't have so much guilt about depriving my kid of a father, these conversations probably wouldn't bother me so damn much.  I hope I'm doing it right.  Suggestions?


Esperanza said...

This must be a really hard time for you. I'm sorry I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and Wee One. I hope some day you can give her the answers that she needs.

Jellybean Mama said...

I think tone matters almost as much as the words you use. I always try to use a really upbeat, chipper tone (I'm sure I sound like a crazy person); so it's not like the whole not-having-a-daddy thing is a sad thing, it's just a matter-of-fact thing. And every single time I say, 'Our family doesn't have a daddy', I say, 'It has a mama and Jellybean, how lucky are we?!'. Like, those people who have dads are total suckers. I don't even say 'but'. Because I am not a substitute.

If she hears in your voice that's just how it is, and that's just fine and dandy, I think it will just be her normal.

And then you can go and hide and cry later.