Monday, December 13, 2010

So Now We All Know What We Are Getting For Christmas

I am being very literal when I say that I sat down at my desk around 8:45 this morning and other than one trip to the vending machine to get a Big Red to wash down some ibuprofen, I graded, posted, calculated, posted, emailed, and otherwise did end-of-semester-grade-figuring-stuff until 4:30p. 

Then I went and had margaritas with my mom, and I still have a little buzz.

So, you've all been through the disclaimer.

My family is a bunch of crazy f*cks.  My mother said that to me on the phone, so I feel perfectly entitled to present it here.

Episode 1:  Nee, Boppa, and I are sitting in their family room.  Nee, in her singsong "I Love Christmas" voice says "and what do you want for Christmas, Mommie?".  I inform her that everything I want/need is expensive, i.e. a new laptop, a garage door opener, etc.  She says, still singsong-y, "Maybe Santa will bring it ..."

Episode 2:  I hear my mother and father having a conversation that abruptly ends when I enter the room.  A Dell computer ad sits at my father's elbow.  My mother's voice trails off after prompting him that there's not much time to order "it".

Episode 3:  My father and I are watching TV and the Wee One while my mother works late at the photography studio.  My father turns to me and says "hey, waiting to order the PC actually saved us money, like 40 bucks or something!"  He then gets a rather "oh shit" look on his face, which I interpret to mean he's let the cat out of the bag about my christmas present.

Episode 4:  I write on the blog about how I think I'm getting a new laptop for Christmas.  Yay me!

Episode 5:  My father senses that I think the new PC is for me.  He tells my mother he doesn't want me to be disappointed on christmas.  They order me a laptop for Christmas.

Episode 6:  My father refers to setting up my mother's PC.  I realize it's not a christmas laptop, and am mildly disappointed.  I tweet that I have realized this.

Episode 7:  My mother sees my tweet, calls to relate all of the above to me, ending with the statement of fact that I am, indeed getting a laptop for Christmas.  I'm a little "WTF?" but mostly "yahoo!"

Wait, it's not over, it gets better.

So while I know what I'm getting, and she's got a new PC, at least my father doesn't know his present.

Yet.

Episode 8:  Nee asks Boppa to keep the old PC.  Boppa insists that its worthless.  Nee insists that it be kept.  Boppa, angrily, insists that it truly isn't worth using for anything.  Nee insists that it will work for what she has in mind.  Boppa, angry and insistant, asks what that is.

Nee confesses that his christmas present is a nifty little gadget that hooks a turntable to a USB port that will transform his old records into digital files that he can listen to ON THE OLD COMPUTER.

So now we all know what we're getting for christmas.*

The end.

*Except for the 20-month old, which - if she could read - would see her gifts prominently displayed in the garage.  But since she is tiny and oblivious, my life is much easier this year.

The end for real.

Amen.

2 comments:

Funky Mama Bird said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Your family is nearly as F'd up as mine is.

Anonymous said...

At the point of episode 1 I was planning to get you a garage door opener! Now I amy have to get it for Boo instead! Oh an di still have some surprises up my sleeve bhahahahaha! LOVE, MOMCAT