I was going to be super-positive this morning. I posted on Facebook that I am "glad its almost almost the day before the end of the week."
I know this time of the semester gets crazy. And when you're teaching two people's worth of classes, its double crazy. I thought I could keep it all together.
The first chink in the armor occured around 7:10 this morning. Running late, I go out the door with the Wee One, my purse, my pump bag, her diaper bag, and a bottle of breast milk I did manage to remember to grab from the fridge. I plunk my purse and the bottle of milk on the hood of the car, planning to wrangle the diaper bag and the wee one into the backseat, when I hear the sound of plastic hitting concrete. And splitting. I look down to see:
Yes, ladies, that is 5 ounces (FIVE ounces!) of painstakingly pumped breastmilk spreading across the driveway and seeping into the ground. And the remnant of the cap that broke. Apparently Medela caps aren't "shatterproof". Or even shatter resistant. One ounce was saved. One ounce.
I cried, of course. I have quite an emotional bond with my milk. Yes, it borders on unhealthy. NO, I don't care.
The second chink in the armor occurs as I am walking across the parking lot, trying to figure out what I'm doing for my 8 am class since I don't have a powerpoint prepared. I think I have a plan when I realize: I forgot the flanges and connectors for my pump. And I have NO TIME to go home to get them. I can't pump. I'll be fine, I've had days where I didn't have time to pump, and I just nurse her really good when I get home. I think I have one thing of frozen milk left to thaw for daycare tomorrow. I tell myself its ok.
The straw that broke the camel's back came at 7:45, about 15 minutes before my class. I walk into my office and set my purse on my desk, knocking over a coke that I had left from yesterday afternoon. And it goes everywhere. And by everywhere, I really mean ALL OVER ME. So this is what my shirt and pants look like 15 minutes before my class I'm not prepared for:
I cried for 10 minutes. And then I wiped my face and went and taught my class.
And now I'm shutting down everything except for Microsoft so I can make the d--- Powerpoints that I need to, and I can write the d--- exam that I need to, and I can put the d--- scores into Blackboard that I need to, and grade the d--- tests that I need to, and write the d--- study guides that they keep pestering me about, so that I can stop feeling so d--- stressed out.
And I have this to help me relax and focus:
(Which is totally illegal in the building where my office is and I. Don't. Care)
More positivity to come, I promise. Soon. As soon as I have time.
*The title comes from a conversation between my mom and I yesterday. I think she was trying to say that this is the beginning of the end of the semester and I should just hang in there for the next couple of weeks. It came out sounding about as crazy as I feel. We had a good laugh. I told her it sounded like the perfect blog post title.
**Sorry about the crappy cell phone pics.
UPDATE: The milk gods smiled on me on Wednesday. I got a total of 8 ounces, 2 more than usual. Relieved!