Monday, September 27, 2010

Don't Road Rage On The Way To Work On Monday

...especially not after you twitter BRING IT ON MONDAY on Sunday night.

I try to drive more carefully with my Wee One in the car.  So this morning, when a light turns yellow and I am some distance behind it, I stop.  In the lane to my left, cars whizz by, even well after the light is red.

This angers the woman behind me.

So a little way down the road, when traffic in the left lane clears, and we both need to get over, and I signal my intention to do so, she cuts me off and almost causes me to have a wreck.

I.  Go Ballistic.

See, I'm a little stressed over here in Mommie Heaven.  I am not proud of the fact that I road rage.  I've been trying to work on that.  But this woman.  Totally pissed me off.  And I told her so.  Loudly.  As she shot past me and then ended up right in front of me in a line of traffic.

But you see, Ms. Lily Tomlin (AKA The Universe) does not like road ragers.  And she seeks her revenge in the form of Karma.

So while I'm tailgating, and sarcastically yelling "Oh, you're so f---ing much farther than me now, aren't you?"  and telling her that she's a fat cow that can't drive, she slams on her breaks to avoid plowing into the car SHE is tailgating.

And she manages to do this at the exact same time my wee one yells "CAT!" and I look in the rearview mirror to see what "CAT!" is in reference to.  Glance forward to see the fat cow's car taking a nosedive, and all I can say is that while Ms. Lily Tomlin likes to exact her revenge, she's not mean about it.  I had to swerve back into the right lane to miss the fat cow's nose diving back end, and somehow there wasn't anyone coming to plow into me.

Karma.  It's a bitch.

Only, that wasn't really my karma.  That was my lesson, but not my Karma.

That would come while I'm sitting on the bridge in traffic and remember: I forgot to give the Wee One her antibiotic this morning.  The one she only takes once a day and has helped her to sleep for two nights straight.  I will have to go home and get it.  Or call her Nan and beg help (and conveniently not mention that this is Ms. Lily Tomlin AKA The Universe's payback for road rage and sarcasm.)

A few moments later I realize: all the references and materials that I have painstakingly printed and read and highlighted and made notes and prepared to use to write the paper that's due today ... is still sitting at home on my couch.

So I have to go back home at some point today.  And I don't have a spare moment to do it in.  All my spare moments were going to be used to WRITE said paper.

She is on her big chair, and laughing.

And the fat cow that I was road raging at is probably having a perfect freaking Monday.

P.S., I totally nursed my toddler this morning to make her go back to sleep.


Funky Mama Bird said...

Oh man. What a start to the day! But can I tell you how much I love the fact that you refer to the universe as Lily Tomlin?

MommieV said...

That came from a commenter on my previous post about The Universe. It seems to have stuck.

Reagan's Mommy said...

Oh man! That's good stuff! Is it okay that I was laughing?! :-) Your Wee One is gorgeous!

Happy ICLW!

Serifm said...

LOL, no that's karma. Your LESSON will be when the Wee One repeats your road daycare. Someone tells her to do something and she shouts "effing cow!" Hee hee.

If it makes you feel any better, that woman probably cut you off because she was cranky from her drug-resistant yeast infection.