Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Words? (and acronyms)

I follow the blogs and writings of several SMC's (single mother by choice).  Most of them have little ones, but a few have just started their single mother journey, and are trying to conceive (TTC). 

Trying to conceive as a single woman is very different from trying to conceive when you are in a relationship.

I haven't decided how much of my own story to share here, so I've been very vague with the details.  I've talked about having a known donor, and on my "About" page I mention "accidentally on purpose", but that's about as much as I've said.

I didn't go the route that many of the bloggers I read have gone/are going now.  Some have chosen to use donor sperm.  I didn't buy sperm, do IUIs (intra-uterine insemination), or many of the steps those women write about.  I had seen an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) and had some tests, but she had sent me out to do OPKs (ovulation predictor kits) and take my temps.

I had basically given up and stopped TTC when mine happened, so I didn't have a tww (two-week wait) - in fact, it was quite a surprise.  I had a beer in my hand when I looked at my home pregnancy test (which I promptly dumped down the sink in the bathroom - the beer, not the pregnancy test - as I frantically texted my best friend).

I have met some really amazing women through this blog - women who read my drivel about work and diapers and how my baby can sing EIEIO and Hoo-ray, and they comment, which has led me to read about their experiences, and comment.  We share some commonalities - being single and wanting to start a family, being 30-ish and feeling the clock tick.  I think it's amazing that you can form a community of women in this way.

But then when one of those women has spent money, and seen the doctor, and gone through the two-week wait, and they end up with a BFN (big fat negative - pregnancy test), what should one say?

I want to say something.  I don't want to just say nothing because I don't know what I should say.  But what do you want to hear from someone who is sitting right where you want to sit?  Sorry?  Keep trying?  Or, from my case, "it will happen when you least expect it" (I'm guessing that would be somewhere between "less than helpful" and "makes me want to kill someone".  So I'll keep that part to myself.)

So I tried to speak from my heart, hoping that will suffice.

Then I forgot to do the word verification, so my comment was lost.  So much for "from the heart"!

4 comments:

Laraf123 said...

I often do not know what to say either. I got pregnant on the first unmedicated IUI in my RE's office. Two years later I went back and was told not to expect the same results, and yet, became pregnant on the first IUI that year, too. There is no rhyme or reason; I try to be thankful daily for my blessings and keep those who are TTC in my thoughts and prayers.

anymommy said...

It's all you can do. Be there for someone and say I'm listening.

Serifm said...

We TTC for a year, found out I had PCOS and were going through the lab work to start Clomid. Most people didn't know we were TTC, but the few who did know reacted to our pregnancy news with unbearably stupid comments. "Do you think it was because you finally relaxed?" (No, I think it was because I finally ovulated.) and "See? I told you there wasn't a problem!" (2 periods in a year isn't a problem?) Ggggrrr. But the good news is, I still love those people, even though they say stupid things like that. Your friend will still love you too. Just be there for her.

hopefulcc said...

Thanks for your comment MommieV! I've been meaning to post here but work kept getting in the way :)

Just knowing someone is out there, listening/reading, means the world. Just wanting to be heard and connect - it's why I blog. We don't have to have the same story - the fact you read and sympathize is what matters. When I read your posts, I daydream a little about how my life will be with my hopeful little one. And many times I've said, "if MommieV can be a successful single mother, I can too!" I already know who my cloth diapers resource will be :)