-You think about work stuff when you're at home and home stuff when you're at work.
And, even worse,
-You WORRY about work stuff when you're at home and home stuff when you're at work.
When I first went back to work after my maternity leave, I worried. I had an exclusively breastfed baby that wouldn't take a bottle, and I was therefore trying (against my better judgement) to get around her tongue thrust instinct and teach her to take solids so she wouldn't scream for 6 hours straight at my mom's. I finally got to the point where I knew the days were no longer torturous for either of them. But I still worried.
Then I realized: that's the nature of this life. You will always worry. You can find the best babysitter, daycare, school, etc for your child. But you will still wonder if they are okay, you will still wonder if their needs are being met.
You will still wonder if you are damaging them beyond belief if you work for a living.
Once I realized that worry was a part of everyday life, I immersed myself in my job and let the worry just hang out on my shoulder.
Then, came the next realization: You will always feel inadequate. You can work hard all day long, but you know the reality for most of us is that there is still work to do at the end of the day. You pack it into your work bag, and go pick up the kid. Evenings are fraught with evening-stuff: dinner, bath, fights over TV, and bed - more for the older-kid crowd. Finally after bedtime you either want to crawl in bed yourself or try to relax, catch up on blogs or TV, or actually (gasp!) clean the house, do dishes and laundry, and pay bills. The next morning at work you pull all the stuff back out of your bag that you never got to, and the inadequate feeling settles over you.
Once I realized that inadequacy was a part of everyday life, I decided to try to do the best job I could and let the feeling just run away. I strive for "good enough" at work, and slightly better at home, since that's my priority at this stage of my life. Because the myth of being everything to everyone is impossible to try to live up to. I just want to be the best I can be for one particular person: my Wee One. And good enough will just have to suffice for everyone else.