Saturday, September 25, 2010

Um, I Think We Are Weaning

We had been down to nursing about twice a day, sometime in the early morning (because that was my tool to lull her back to sleep at 4 am so I could get a couple more hours of sleep) and once in the late afternoon (because while my kitchen was torn apart we were on Nan and Grandpa's dinner schedule which was later than she needed, so a nursing tended to fill in the gap.)

I was planning to start gradually.  I was going to start setting some boundaries to limit the times/places we nursed.  I wasn't going to nurse out in public anymore.  I was only going to nurse at home in the living room, not in her bedroom or other places.  I had already started substituting a cup of juice whenever she would ask for the late afternoon nursing, and once my kitchen was back together we started eating dinner about when we walked in the door, so that helped.

I had gone a little backwards on the nighttime nursing, tho.  Especially since she's been sick so much, nursing when she wakes at night was my go-to parenting tool for getting her comforted and back to sleep in a somewhat timely way.

So at 5:00 Thursday morning, when I was nursing her for the second time that night, and I wasn't sure I had enough milk, I thought "you know, I need to work on the weaning thing."

So imagine my surprise ... that was the last time we have nursed.

At the end of The Milk Memos there is a story a mama tells about going into her son's room to nurse him for the last time.  When I first read that, she was only a few months old and I had a very physical emotional reaction to reading that.  I couldn't imagine a time when I wouldn't be nursing her.

But I always imagined our last time nursing would go the same way, we'd sit in the rocker and nurse, and look into each other's eyes and I'd try really hard not to cry.

So I'm quite disappointed that our last nursing (if this continues) was me being annoyed at 5:00 in the morning that she was in my bed and not going back to sleep.

She made the sign to nurse yesterday afternoon, and I gave her a cup and then fed her a snack.  She didn't ask today.  That's not how I wanted it to end.  But I feel like I need to keep going this direction.


Marthavmuffin said...

So bittersweeet, mine is four and I am mourning the wrist creases and seeing the dimples on her hands fade.

Love your benedryl, story, have felt that same judgment.

ICOMLEAVWE (Not sure of my number)

Esperanza said...

I hope you get your last nursing with her. That is so strange, I had never thought about that, that there would be a last time, but I suppose there has to be. It makes me cry just to think of it, and I don't even love nursing that much.

MommieV said...

A new thought this morning that makes me feel a little better ...

Isn't this how I wanted it? Gradual, painless for her, when she seems ready? The "last time" thing seems like it applies more for situations where you have to "stop" for some reason, but this fits more with the way I wanted to do it ... tapered off until it wasn't necessary anymore.

So that helped me to feel a little better.

Also, why remember just a single nursing session when we nursed for almost a year and a half? There are plenty more fond memories of nursing - it doesn't have to be just that one.

E - I used to love nursing, and I'm to the point where it really is just a chore, and a tool to get her back to sleep or keep her from being clingy/whiny. Even so, there's some mourning there on my part.

Laraf123 said...

It makes me cry to think of my son's last nursing. We are SO close. He really is ready. I'm not. He's my last baby. I can't believe how emotional this is for me. Thanks for sharing.

MommieV said...

Lara - I keep crying about it. I cried while writing, I cry while reading and answering comments. I cried just now in the laundry room while washing a load that included nursing bras. I guess I can go back to wearing regular bras now. I said I couldn't wait for that, and now I feel a little shocked that it's here.

Serifm said...

This is really sweet. I'm not sure whether I should offer sympathy, congratulations, or both. Maybe both. Hugs.

MommieV said...

Both seems good. If this really is it, then its amazing how easy it was.

I wonder if it will be this bittersweet to give up diapers.

Funky Mama Bird said...

I tried to comment yesterday and blogger wouldn't let me, so trying again.

Just remember that you had a great nursing relationship. Even if you aren't ready to end it, it lasted a long time and was great for you both.

My one and only "regret" that I have about Gunne's infancy is the fact that I had to wean abruptly at 2 months, so at least you know that you were both at least somewhat ready when the time came.